Do Good Guys Finish Last?
Spotlight — By browngirlmag on December 1, 2008 at 4:26 amby Asma Hassan and Aditi Mehta
The answer is “yes” according to two recent studies published by New Mexico State University and Oakland University. Both studies claim that most good guys just don’t make the cut, and it’s the infamous bad boy ends up getting the girl. As most girls in search for Mr. Right are asking, how is this possible?
According to the studies, bad boys posses “dark traits” that help them be smoother, more narcissistic, and in the end more confident. It’s these guys that tend to score more girls and have shorter term relationships. Good guys, on the other hand, are less smooth, and come off clumsier.
Can this really be? Are girls missing out on good guys by falling for the bad boy tricks? Brown Girl took the question to our Guy Panel to help sort it out.
Meet our Guy Panel:
What have you noticed in the dating scene when it comes to good guys vs. bad guys?
Abbas: Girls are obviously more attracted to the bad boys. Good guys try to put their hearts out there for girls, and when it doesn’t work after a couple of tries, the guy will emulate the bad boy image. Then, the good guy is no longer there.
Dahnish: Well, usually what I see is when somebody acts like a bad guy, it’s because he’s been hurt in the past. They used to care about someone a lot, but they must have been shafted. These guys try an alternate approach because they’ve been on the other side and have been hurt.
Can a girl avoid a bad boy, or is the trap set by bad boys too deceptive?
Abbas: The girl can avoid a bad boy because she should have the common sense to know what a bad boy is: what he says, what he does. So no, the trap is NOT too deceptive.
Dahnish: No girls can definitely avoid it. She just has to be well aware of the kind of games that boys play. If she is a young and naive girl and believes everything that comes out of a guy’s mouth, she will get hurt.
Mitesh: Of course girls can avoid bad guys, but the “game” that bad guys have makes it hard for girls to not fall into the trap. Bad guys play hard-to-get, and play off the fact that they really care. I guess that is what makes the girl even more interested in him versus the good guy who will always be there for the girl.
Do good guys “go bad” in a sense to win over girls?
Osama: Some of them, yes, because guys get bored and at a point they go bad in order to score easily. But on the contrary, once a guy finds the right girl, it could be the total opposite. When he falls in true love, then any boy, good or bad, will be good.
Abbas: Yes, they do. It gives them instant gratification and satisfaction and it makes them feel better about themselves but in the end they are ones who will also get hurt. They like to have the player type image because they think it looks cool.
Why do you think that girls fall for the bad boy tricks?
Mitesh: I think that girls fall for the bad guy tricks because they know that the good guy will always be there. Like the famous quote says best: “You always want something you can never have.”
Osama: Because they [bad boys] are way cooler, and they are always more on the popular side. Girls still go for the bad guys, even knowing their tricks, because they want more attention and they will get more attention from a bad boy.
Are girls at fault in this game?
Mitesh: Girls are definitely one to blame in this game! Some guys are so confused with what to do to get the girl. Some girls put “good” guys on their knees, ready to try anything to make the girl realize that he is the one she should pick. Sadly nothing, not even the movie “Hitch” with Will Smith will help a guy decide what to do to get his dream girl.
Dahnish: Yes! Girls allow boys to act the way they do. If girls didn’t tolerate it, then there wouldn’t be bad boy behavior.
You heard it girls. Now it’s your turn to respond!
Tags: boys, relationships
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1 Comment
I don’t think the choice of the guy panel can really give an accurate assessment of the male mentality. You are asking questions to a bunch of boys that clearly lack any depth to their personalities and mental development. It seems that they give one tracked answers to questions that have more variables than just one.
What have you noticed in the dating scene when it comes to good guys vs. bad guys?
Well, it might seem that good guys come last, but then again maybe all guys just think they are the good ones. I don’ think you can generalize and say one thing or another. There are many factors that makes one attractive to the opposite sex. I don’t think good guys carry their hearts out on a sleeve. I think the difference of getting the girl or not depends on confidence and timing. Sometimes it is just not in your stars to be with someone.
Can a girl avoid a bad boy, or is the trap set by bad boys too deceptive?
Yes and no, depending on how far and how willing the “bad boy” is going to push the limits of manipulation and the girl herself. Lets face it, dating is manipulation. You never are really showing your true self. You show the best qualities of yourself. The qualities you want and think make you look like a better mate than others. You can avoid traps and games if you remove emotion, and replace it with logic and reasoning. You cannot allow yourself to tolerate mens stupidness and childish behaviour. (Here is a secret, every guy thinks with their little amigo, it just happens some think with it more often than others, and finding a good guy is finding one that thinks less with it.) What women can do, but first a story- I have the privilege of knowing some girls at UT, who are very attractive, who get a lot of attention from guys but don’t get hit on very often. It is because they use higher thought processes than just “I like him,” or “he is so cute,” to weed out losers. “Bad boys” think they are witches with a b, but I happen to think that you can’t approach girls like these unless you are quality yourself. Try to emulate this!
Do good guys “go bad” in a sense to win over girls?
Not necessarily, it might or might not turn out that way. You can’t say what direction someone will take. Too many factors and variables to say how past experiences will change someone to preform in the future. You can never determine how a situation can change someone, only the person to whom the situation has occurred to.
Why do you think that girls fall for the bad boy tricks?
Evolution, sadly. I once had the luck to talk to an evolutionary psychologist at UT. She said “think about it, why were cave men successful in mating, they would club the the male with the most resources, show that to cave women that they could provide and have more opportunity to mate.” So we might just be fighting our own biology.
Who’s to say, I am not a girl. But I can only imagine that falling for these tricks have to do with a number of different variables. People nowadays want to have everything now, immediate, that they are willing to believe some slick talker. Someone who makes them feel good about themselves.
Are girls at fault in this game?
Ok and this is what made me write this whole thing. Mitesh and Dahnish, you two are two very sad individuals. You statements show that you two are little boys and not men.
Who’s to blame? My two biggest culprits pop culture and BOTH SEXES. NOT JUST GIRLS.
total side note
(Not just girls, not just boys, but both girls and boys are to blame. Shock, maybe, but lets face it. A culture devoted to finding that one person based on what, attraction first and personality second. People are so focused on finding that special person, but if that person is a square peg and you need to fit it into a circular opening in. Well keep trying it is not going to happen. You can’t make people fit. It is about finding that person that compliments you.)
Ok, Dahnish if you are 25 and blame girls on bad behaviour you are blind my friend. What do groups of guys do when we talk about girls? We usually degrade them down to body parts and what we want to do to them. It is a destructive cycle of bad behaviour that exists with both men and women. Unless you are a gentleman, who has positive thoughts and follow them up with positive actions, don’t hate on girls. And for girls, who hold themselves up to as ladies, don’t blame boys. Unless we stop playing games and tricks with each other, how are we expected to having meaningful connections with other people? Do good guys finish last, maybe, but good girls do too.