Working Your Family Network

by Sunita Dharani

photographs by Thuy Ly

The bonds of family-especially a South Asian family-are as tightly woven as the beads on the fabric of a designer sari. It comes as no surprise that our immediate and extended family members are bound to contribute (perhaps interfere is a better term) in every aspect of our lives. If you need help in deciding on where to go for school, your mother’s best friend’s sister’s nephew will not only happen to know why one university is far superior to another on your list, but they’ll end up incorporating you into their social circle as well. The “arranged” component of arranged marriages work no differently than a game of Telephone from your childhood, as mothers and in-laws whisper about as to who is of marriageable age and who is looking. For better or worse, this same network of relatives and who-knows-who-from-where comes into play even as some of us face the dreaded transition from full-time students to full-time employees.

With the presently tattered state of the economy and a steady decline of job availability, people are willing to take all the help available to ensure that unemployment is avoided. The old adage “it’s not what you know, but who you know” may have even originated from South Asian culture, as it appropriately fits our behavior of utilizing connections within the community for our own professional advancement. Although I have chosen a career in a field where I am perhaps the sole Indian person, this did not prevent my father from marching to his best friend’s office and asking if he was aware of anyone willing to hire a college graduate. The next morning, word had obviously spread within a circle of uncles and business owners that I was seeking a full-time position, and my phone began to ring with requests to fill openings immediately.

Granted my father’s intentions were out of the kindness of his heart, with a dash of naïveté in there, I was concerned about the implications. Even with a college education in my arsenal, what would getting a job through familial connections indicate? While it was not quite old-fashioned nepotism, I couldn’t help but feel simultaneously desperate and unskilled-my first job out of college would be one my father got me.

Would disregarding the network inherently available through family connections be a smart thing to do, or would it be considered defeat in the face of the independence sought out by young job-seekers everywhere? Counselors at university career centers and job search articles all emphasize the same point: network, network, network. However, including those within family and friend connections seems to be almost the easy way of doing so. You avoid the awkward used-car salesman conversations, don’t necessarily have to pass out stacks of Kinko’s printed business cards, and you already have a long list of “references” willing to boast on your behalf regarding your skills. One of the most intimidating aspects of networking is forcing yourself to openly advertise your skills and persuade complete strangers that you are the piece missing from their staff. In the “family network,” such anxiety of meeting a complete stranger is eased with the knowledge that it’s just the aunty and uncle from your parents’ carom circle. They are not prospective employers and you are not an assistant with the potential to destroy their company. Rather, the emphasis of have an intermediary relation between yourself and these people makes both parties simply human. It is here that some type of relationship already exists in precedent to a possible professional one, and it is that same relationship which may be heavily affected if the situation turns out unfavorably. For example, you may walk into the person’s office, intending to simply inform them that you appreciate their offer for a position at the company, but when the well of leads for jobs elsewhere goes dry, you humbly end up accepting to work for that person. Three months later and a much better professional opportunity strolls along, putting you in the uncomfortable position of having to tell your father’s friend’s sister that you have found a better suited work environment than the one she has graciously given to you. This position was not earned in the first place, so how does one go about, essentially, ‘breaking up’ with a familial connection?

The best, and most beneficial, manner of approaching this relationship is no different than any other: start with clarifying your honest intentions. If you are solely exploring your career options, let the person know you are only available to work for the summer and will be starting another separate opportunity in the fall. Rather than negatively impacting any previous relations you may have had with the person before working for them, remember to keep your personal ties separate from your newly formed professional ties with the person-allowing one area to seep into the other can only result in a mess when you do end up leaving.

The purpose of networking at its most basic level is to spread your name and skills in the professional world. If your first step in doing so begins in the office of someone your parents happen to know and have chai with, remember the silver lining: it is a step in a direction after all.

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