Wait a Minute

by Neethi Srinivasan – University of Michigan

Anyone who knows me knows that I am absolutely obsessed with football (go Patriots!) and like any true sports fan, the successes and failures of my team can greatly affect my day, month, or even sometimes, my year (Giants v Patriots, anyone?). However, there is another game out there that influences the trajectory of women’s lives regardless of their affinity for the pigskin. This game doesn’t have a time limit or even cute boys running around in tight capri-like bottoms. It’s the same game that our mothers and their mothers have been playing for their whole lives. It’s the waiting game.

The notion of the waiting game (or as my friend calls it, “Sleeping Beauty Syndrome”) stems from the belief that women go through the motions of life, higher education, etc. just to find their “prince charming” and to eventually settle into gender roles. However, this phenomenon has taken on an interesting identity in Asian communities. Though research has shown that Asian women are one of the most educated segments of our population, they still seem to fall prey to the waiting game.

To be honest, I was very skeptical that the waiting game still existed. Unlike our predecessors from earlier generations, we, as Asian women, are encouraged to pursue higher educational opportunities and high-powered careers in medicine, business, and engineering. Ultimately, we are encouraged to be independent and financially successful – or so I thought. My enlightenment (as do many of them) occurred during a conversation with my mother. In efforts to persuade me to pursue a career in medicine she reasoned that “it was the perfect profession for a girl.”

Upon initial examination, my mother’s statement may seem ludicrous. After all, how are the long hours of medical school, residency, and fellowships conducive to starting a family (the supposed dream of all young girls)? However, the truth behind this declaration can be found in the minor limitations placed on such high-powered careers because of cultural expectations. In other words, though an Asian woman might have an M.D/PhD, it is more acceptable/likely that she will be a pediatrician, gynecologist, etc. than a neurosurgeon since a schedule filled with flu shots instead of craniotomies is more conducive to getting a cooker filled with rice on the dinner table by 5 pm (or in my house, 8 pm).  In turn, she is forced to wait; wait for her husband to come home from his more strenuous (but financially rewarding) job; or wait to climb her own professional ladder because she absolutely has to have kids before the age of thirty.

Though the circumstances under which we play this game have changed over the past several decades, the greater goals of this endeavor have stayed the same. In fact, one could argue that the only difference between iterations of the “waiting game” is that it is somewhat longer now than before. This might be in part due to the economy and the fact that even men are finding it harder to secure a steady job before settling down. Unfortunately, the strides that have been made by women into the professional sector are completely undermined if we continue to play this game. The only way that we can truly achieve equality is if we stop waiting and start moving.