by Simerjeet Sahota – Ohio State Graduate – Star Contributor
This is the fourth post from a series of posts to understand the quest for love by Simerjeet called “The Sahota Project”.
For my final interview, I got a little more than I expected. The interviewee, who I will not describe or give any details about (trust me, once you read it you will know why), has been through a whole different experience of love than I’ve encountered with anyone else I interviewed and yet she maintains a positive view of it. I don’t know what this says about anyone else, except that this person may just be my hero.
Are you currently dating anyone? No.
Have you dated before? Yes.
(Because I already knew a little bit about her situation with an ex-boyfriend, I asked her to elaborate on that first): I dated my ex-boyfriend for many years and we were very much in love. At the time, I was just starting school and our relationship was still pretty strong once I started working. However, somewhere along the way I started having doubts. He wasn’t Indian and I was worried about my parents but more so we had issues regarding trust. I tried to break up with him several times but he would convince me he would change. Finally, about the 10th time I tried to break it off, he threatened to tell my family that we had been together. He told me he would send them e-mails we’d exchanged, photos we’d taken, and he even told me that he had taken videos of me that I didn’t know about. After that, I was a wreck and really did not know what to do. I didn’t want my family knowing but then again, I couldn’t live like that either. Luckily, I have some great friends who helped me get out of the situation although I’m still worried about him going to my family.
Wow. That’s absolutely crazy. Yeah. I thought he would never do something like that to me and I still don’t really understand why he did but it’s just something you can’t get back from. The funny thing was that I talked to some of my friends and they’d gone through nearly similar things. Guys think that they have all the power in this and it’s scary when you’re with someone who thinks that they can do whatever they want to you.
So how has this affected your perception of love? It makes me wary that’s for sure. I don’t know that I’m going to rush into anything ever again. But at the same time, I feel like it’s still out there somewhere for me. And at least now I know not to make the same mistakes.
I guess after all that it’s kind of weird for me to ask if movies, television, books influence how you feel about it? No, not at all. All those things do. They always have and I think they always will. Love is such a mysterious subject and I think everywhere you turn someone’s trying to figure it out.
So after all of this, what’s your opinion on love? Do you believe in true love? I do. But, I don’t think it’s as easy as I once thought it was. I think you can be attracted to someone, I think that you can love someone, but that doesn’t mean they’re the person for you. After my whole situation, I realized I didn’t question whether I was happy. I just assumed I was from the beginning. I know that sounds dumb but I never really thought about what I wanted, I just thought that if someone’s asking me out, that must be the guy for me. Now I know you have to actively try to make yourself happy and you should have someone who wants to make you happy and who you want to make happy.
I really couldn’t have said it better myself.