Women’s History Month falls at the perfect time this year, in the same period as the revolutions in the Middle East. But what do these upheavals mean for women and their role in society?

During the anti-government protests in Tahrir Square, hundreds of women came out to voice their fight for freedom. Pictures showed women bloody, screaming and fighting for rights they have long deserved. And in this way, they found unity – unity for mankind. They joined together to fight against decades of oppressive and brutal regimes of power. And it worked – the Mubarak regime fell from grace. But concerns are rising about the importance given to women in this new order.

On Feb. 11, CBS News correspondent, Lara Logan, was brutally attacked and sexually assaulted during the celebratory gatherings in Egypt. It took soldiers firing rounds in the air and a herd of women to take the men off her. She had to be hospitalized for her injuries.

On March 8^th, International Women’s Day, women and men gathered in Tahrir Square to salute the women that have come before and left an indelible mark on history and to continue to remind people of the need to involve women in major movements. But the day was overshadowed by news of men attacking and sexually harassing the women.  The same men that had stood next to them during the protests had now turned on them and shouted at them to go home, that their place was not there.

The Egyptian Center for Women’s Rights wanted to make sure the authorities were aware of the violence but many locals are not surprised: women have been getting harassed for years with catcalls, groping and indecent exposure. However, the ECWR stands firm in making police complaints but have found themselves against a wall – the police are dragging their feet, reluctant to do anything.

Furthermore, in the aftermath of the revolt, not one woman was appointed to The Constitutional Committee to reform the constitution. During the 18 day protests, men and women marched and bled together, moving as one, but now there is no voice standing for women. Tunisian women feel the same pressure – they’re afraid the more conservation voices might force out any progressive laws and changes in the government.

While the US is behind women getting their say in these new governments as stated by the Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton, the countries themselves have yet to show movement for women.

The new democracy won’t have a place for change for the very women who fought for it if the governments don’t give females space on the councils. They are half the revolution and a country cannot truly move forward with half their population still waiting in the dark for their chance in the light.

Image from Leil-Zahra Mortada’s facebook. See more Egyptian women.

We’re all in the same boat.  I like to call it the “educated, responsible adult boat”.  Oh and single.  We’re definitely all single. Or at least single in the eyes of family members.  And we are declaring our hatred of marriage.  Blame it on the economy, blame it the increased evidence of the sexualization of America’s youth (Skins, Jersey Shore anyone?) but we’re all hanging out, toiling, waiting for “the conversation.”

So while I was getting my own lecture of many lectures on why wasn’t I ready to settle down now (my dad’s brother-in-law knew a great boy, pharmacist; oh and my mom’s sister-in-law knew of a great guy, accountant), I thought about the following things:

1) How dare these people think that they know what person would possibly be right for me? (instant anger reaction) and

2) What do I even want in someone? (rational reaction). It’s one thing to brush it off, tell everyone you’re not looking, you’re not interested, that you haven’t found someone yet.  But what exactly do you want?  And is what you want realistic?

When I used to sit back and think about my perfect guy, he was smart, educated, funny, handsome (I would also accept “hot”), athletic, family oriented, trusting and trustable (is that a word?), honest, and maybe with a lot of money (Hey.  I watched a lot of soap operas.  They always seem to just fly off to St. Barth whenever they feel like it).  I didn’t even really interact with boys until college and despite the fun of having guy friends, guys in the real world never really matched up to the standards of the guy in my head.  To this day, I struggle with accepting that, instead of reverting back to a fantasy world where I control everything.

So I wonder, did romance novels, Bollywood, and Hollywood create a illogical archetype of what I’m supposed to expect? In turn, does that define what I think of love?  Or even how I approach relationships?  After the smoke cleared (a result from all the over-thinking I was doing), I decided to survey the situation.  I decided to interview some close friends who were in different stages of their lives, who were looking for different things and who, ideally, have their own perspectives on love.  The first interview will be available shortly but first, for good measure, I thought I’d interview myself and give my (jaded) perspective on this thing called love.

Do I believe in love? Of course, what else would dead poets have written about if there was no such thing as love?  What would one hit wonders have as their theme for their one hit wonder? If that’s not evidence of the existence of love, I don’t know what is.

Current view on love: Well, if I’m going to be honest, to me, love is my best friend.  Love is the person I want to share everything with right away.  I want to not wait to talk to them.  And I want that person to think I’m hilarious (I have a humor complex, can you tell?).  And the more I think about this question, the more I realize I’m confusing traits in a person with what I think love is.  Strange.

What does it mean to “be in love”? I think it means complete trust, knowing that person is not going anywhere no matter what happens.  It also means having a partner, an equal, to help each other through life.  And and and – knowing that you can be a complete goof and they won’t think you’re weird.

Have I always believed in love? 4 words: Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge.  Instant love? Check.  Reciprocated love? Check.  Star-crossed Lovers? Check Check.  And my second favorite movies as a child? Romeo and Juliet.  Does that answer the question?

Does the media play a role in my perception of love? I think it did when I was little (see above) and to some extent it does now.  Before I used to buy into the love and romance, love at first sight.  Now I’m much more cynical, more critical of the incorrect portrayal of relationships on television and in books and movies.

Any familial limitations or issues that affect your perception of love? The following things are required by my family for a potential spouse: education (i.e. highly educated, Bachelor’s +), religion, caste, Punjabi, family oriented.

Any limitations you place on yourself? I’m equal opportunity.  But this does not mean that my family’s requirements have no bearing.  I mean, how much easier would it be if their requirements were mine?  But then again, why can’t my requirements be theirs?

Whew! That was long but I hope it gives a perspective on why and where I’m starting this project. Through this process, I sure hope I learn something.

]]> http://browngirlmagazine.com/2011/02/the-sahota-project-understanding-love/feed/ 5 http://browngirlmagazine.com/2011/01/a-riot-a-revolution/ http://browngirlmagazine.com/2011/01/a-riot-a-revolution/#comments Sun, 30 Jan 2011 01:36:34 +0000 browngirlmag http://browngirlmagazine.com/?p=2734 by Farah Mithani – Houston Baptist University

People are running around the streets with bloody hands screaming at the government, screaming for their rights. Blasts of fire set tanks and police cars ablaze; riots are pouring out on the streets of Egypt.  What has this world come to?  I can’t even imagine what these people are going through on the other side of the world.  I can’t imagine how it must feel to have your freedom taken away.

Mubarak, who was named vice president, has led the people to a chaotic government.  A dictator is ruling a country that is mostly poor, taking away the little that they even have.  They live off of about $2 a day with no education or a way to feed their families.  After ordering tanks out on Egyptian streets for nightly curfews, shutting down most of the media, and just taking away freedom, people have started to violently protest.  Interviewed by the GlobalPost, Ahmed Ali states, “We have taken our streets back, and we will never go home now. We have tasted freedom, and we will never go without it again.”  People are getting angry on the other side of the world.  Things have gone out of control on this planet, and it makes me think maybe 2012 is near.  Hopefully, Egyptians will get their freedom back.  Let’s pray for Egypt to find the peace that they need and better changes within the government.

To see a clip about the chaos in Egypt follow the following link:

http://english.aljazeera.net/programmes/insidestory/2011/01/2011129111336830896.html

Choked.  Hot tears crawled down my cheeks, down to his hands.  He must have known I was begging him to let go, even though I couldn’t speak.  Fallen to my knees, the carpet felt so rough at that moment, like sandpaper. I even prayed to God for those few seconds.  It was worse than having my asthma attacks, because this was an attack that had scarred me for life.

“I hope your parents come home and find me in your apartment,” he yelled with complete rage, “f**k your family and f**k you!”

He finally let go of my throat.  Seemed as if ropes began to slowly unravel around my neck.  Numbness took over my body and I collapsed from fear.  I sobbed for hours; I don’t recall ever crying like that before, or ever again.

After jumping out my window, I could hear the anger in his shoes as he ran down the stairs.  It was that same window he smashed a week later with his bare hands.

Shaken from the incident, voice messages exploded my phone from loving to hatred and emotionally abusive words.  As a teenager, worried that my parents would probably hate me forever I kept it a secret for a while.  It started to eat me up inside, holding on to such a threatening situation.

Don’t be afraid to speak up.

I finally got the courage to tell my mom about what happened that day a few weeks later with the help of two classmates. I didn’t realize at the time that this was a bad thing.  I kept letting him, my first “boyfriend,” abuse me emotionally, thinking it was normal.  It is definitely not normal.  When I told my mom, she reacted in a complete opposite manner than I expected.  I thought there was hatred inside of her ready to burst out, but all she did was love me even more.

According to American Bar Association- Commission on Domestic Violence, approximately 1.3 million women are physically assaulted by a partner in the United States annually. In 1993, a Canadian study showed 77% of college women being emotionally abused with a combination of physical abuse from their dating partner.  Unhealthy relationships usually develop as a young teen in high school.  Much of the abuse, whether emotional, physical, or sexual, will occur in their homes.

The hardest part is taking the first step to get help.  If you or someone you know is hurting physically or emotionally, don’t be afraid; let someone know.  Here are somethings you can do for yourself or someone you know who is in an abusive relationship: visiting school counselors, reaching out to organizations like Saheli (http://www.saheli-austin.org),  National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-SAFE), or just speak to your family/friends to get help.  No matter what happens, there is always someone there to help you.

Dr. Ami Bera is running to represent the 3rd Congressional District of California as a Democrat against incumbent Republican Rep. Dan Lungren.  For the past 15 years, he has served the Sacramento region as a physician and educator.  I spoke to him recently about his campaign.

Seeing how successful you have been in the medical field, what made you want to run for office?

I was always fortunate to do other things in medicine and thought I could enact change behind the scenes. [Bera has served as the Associate Dean of Admissions of the University of California-Davis and the Chief Medical Officer of Sacramento County.] In the last few years, I became disillusioned by elected leaders. There are problems in the education system, higher education, economy…I felt elected leaders were skirting the real issues. It’s important to find compromise again and move beyond partisan issues.

Your parents immigrated to California in the 1950s when the number of Indians in this country was very small.  How did your upbringing affect your professional life and political views?

I grew up in a very small Indian community. The values I had growing up – strong sense of family and community, working hard – are not just Indian or American values, they transcend both cultures.  They are the same values I am raising my daughter with even though the world is a different place now.

What would you say is the biggest issue affecting your constituents?

Jobs are the biggest issue. If people don’t have a job or feel secure in their job they can’t think about anything else. We need to create a stable job market…away from a consumer service based economy to a manufacturing economy. I see anxiety about jobs in new college grads, young families, and retirees.

Barack Obama’s presidential victory was largely credited to attracting young voters and having a strong online presence.  How have you utilized social networking to reach young voters in your campaign?

Young volunteers and an online presence were very important to our campaign. We have a large number of high school and college graduates [volunteering for the campaign], over 2000 facebook friends. We have had 2800 individual donors…we understand the importance of small as well as large donors.  We visited high schools and college campuses – as an educator, I have always enjoyed talking to students.

How have you reached out to the Indian community in your campaign?

Early on, Indians were excited but didn’t really understand the campaign work because they had never been involved beyond voting.  As the campaign gained momentum and media attention, various community leaders got involved and encouraged involvement. We have a large number of South Asian volunteers. It was humbling to watch excitement build among the community. Most exciting was my parents finally feeling accepted into American society.

What advice do you have for young people interested in politics?

Understand why you are going into politics. Make sure your spouse or partner is involved – it’s a family effort.  Reach out to political organizations, like the Indian organization IALI (Indian-American Leadership Initiative).  Reach out to those of us who have run and have experience…it is our responsibility to mentor the younger generation. I am firmly committed to being a mentor.

As our conversation wound down, Dr. Bera offered me a campaign update.  Congressional Quarterly currently categorizes California’s 3rd Congressional District Race as a toss-up, meaning the race could go either way.  According to his website, Bera’s opponent Rep. Dan Lungren has less than 50 percent support in a new poll that shows Bera within single digits.

“Our race is vital to hold on to House control.  Any readers who have never worked on a race, this is a fun campaign with a lot of events coming up,” said Bera, who encourages any young person with an interest in politics to volunteer on a campaign. “Wherever you are, you can help with a campaign.”

Interview has been condensed for space and clarity.

Learn more about Ami Bera at beraforcongress.com

Butterflies and giggles.

Right before your first kiss, the first time he holds your hand and doesn’t want to let go, whispering your name making you feel like a princess.  These moments are the ones I cherish.  Love grows stronger within the eyes, straight to your soul.  But, how will you know if he is the one.

I want to be with the one that makes me laugh.  I want to be with the one that knows exactly who I am.  He knows me better than I know myself.  The most important thing in my opinion is that he needs to love you for who you are.  You cannot just pick any guy, change him into what you want him to be, and fall in love.  The relationship you have with yourself comes first.  Love yourself, and others will love you.  If they don’t, then who needs them?

Yet, everyone makes mistakes. Shakespeare says in The Merchant of Venice, “But love is blind, and lovers cannot see the pretty follies that themselves commit.”  Finding your true love becomes a trial and error game.  Some are lucky to hit a homerun at their first shot, but most of us need to keep swinging until we find the right team.  Mistakes are meant to be, because without them we wouldn’t have fate or serendipity.

The hardest part in finding the perfect relationship is your parents’ approval.   They will always want what is best for you.  No one will be perfect in your parents’ eyes, except you.  As a typical desi girl, this comes with a lot of struggle and communication conflicts.  Most of us live in the modern days, but our parents are stuck in their old fashion ways.

Heartbreaks and warfare may occur, but in the end your parents will always love you.

Love is poetically delicate.  Treat it with care, honesty, and soul.

I spent this last weekend at home with a good friend of mine. Over drinks, we talked about a variety of different things, from school to our jobs to our mutually reclusive dating lives. We lingered over that last one for a while there. We’re good enough friends for him to ask me about things openly and he did, bringing up my dating history, or uh, lack thereof and asking me why it was so.

Before I could come up with a good enough answer, he provided me with one, declaring righteously, “You don’t seem to open up to people, Shiva!”

I conceded reluctantly to his observation. It wasn’t often that I was attracted to people.

On most days, I revel in the joy of being what other people call ‘multicultural’.  My father grew up in a small, conservative village in South India and then later, migrated to the crazy, metropolitan liberal Delhi life. I grew up in Delhi, clearly a misfit – browner skinned that most people around, with a thick accent that was a mixture of what was considered opposites – my parents’ South Indian-ness and their great command of the English language (my father published English books and my mother was a high school English teacher). I was a misfit right from kindergarten, with my unusually long name, curly hair and very dark skin. At the age of 18, I decided to make this ‘misfit’ label permanent by moving to the US, without much thought really. Surprisingly, I haven’t ever really second guessed that decision.

The effect of this acquired multiculturalism has creeped into most areas of my life and for the most part, made it better. I work better in social situations now that I’ve experienced different kinds. The only area that my life has maybe suffered a tiny little bit, is my dating life.

I’ve had this conversation a bunch of time before where I’ve lamented to my friends about how every guy that I’m approached by is either not Indian enough or not American enough, which basically means Sendhil Ramamurthy is the guy for me (get on your phone, Sendhil, and call me already!). Anyway, during this specific conversation with my friend this last weekend, he pushing his point as if trying to wiggle out of me a satisfactory answer.

“Why do you think that is?” he asked.

“I need somebody to be able to watch Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge…”

He looked confused.

“Bollywood” I said, “Someone to watch Bollywood and love it and then go onto read Socrates and appreciate it just the same amount, and then have intense conversations with me about both of those.”

“Conversations about… people running around trees dancing?” he said

“Yes” I said unhesitatingly.

We stared at each other.

Is it possible to expose yourself to too many good things and then never be able to find anything good enough ever again? Exposing yourself to different cultures is kind of like exposing yourself to different footwear. Let me elaborate.

The first pair of shoes I remember owning, were the ones I needed as part of my uniform for when I started school. I remember looking at them and hating them with their zig zag laces and fancy ways to tie them. I could never tie my own laces and they used to come open halfway through school and many a times I found myself tripping over them and hurting myself before I reached home. I hated them at first, but slowly as I learned to tie the laces, I appreciated how fast they made me when I was running, how my feet hurt a lot less when I wore them instead of my flip flops. Eventually, I grew to love them. Then came, my first pair of flats, that did not feel as comfortable as my sneakers, but again, I grew to love them because of how pretty my feet looked and how I could actually feel the ground when I walked in them. Last but definitely not the least, came my first pair of heels, that I’m still working on loving.

It’s the same with different cultures. When I first moved to Delhi, and found how liberal it was as opposed to South India, I disliked it tremendously. I fell and was awkward, much like I was with my first pair of sneakers, but I found my group of best friends and settled down to like it, just as much as I did South India. Then I moved here, again shocked by how liberal everything was. I wasn’t quite comfortable for the longest time, but then I found sushi and cheesecake, my favorite theatre and art cinema, hiking trails and most importantly, some of the greatest people I will ever know, and found myself getting comfortable.  While, being constantly uncomfortable in one’s shoes can get tiring, I don’t think you can really grow and figure out the best path until you’ve tried walking in as many shoes as possible.

And then there comes that time when you’ve worn so many different shoes and liked so many of them, for different reasons, that when it comes time to pick a favorite, you just can’t do it.

“So this, uh, Dil.. uh, Dil..”

“Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge?” I finished for him

“Yes. That. What is that about?” he asked.

“A guy and a girl fall in love. Then they dance in snow-covered mountains.

“Oh. Do you have it?”

“Yes”

“Do you want to watch it?”

I stared at him, a little bit confused.

“Uh, sure.”

“Let’s watch it.”

I put the DVD in the player, suspicious of my friend’s motives. Was there going to be a lot of pointing and laughing involved, after? I could hear him talking to our other mutual friends – “Look at Shiva. So intelligent in her daily life but then watches crap like this secretly.”

I soon forgot about my friend or anyone else as I watched Raj pulled Simran onto the train and start their perfect romance.

He didn’t whine about the length of the movie which pleasantly surprised me and we got through the three hours without the usual “can we fast forward through this song?” comment that I now expected from all of my American friends.

We finished the movie and I sighed in pure contentment.

“Raj is the perfect man.” I said with finality.

“Uh, except he’s fictional and kind of like a jackass.” my friend said.

I stared at him. “He is not. He went all the way to India for Simran!”

“Yeeaaah, but he didn’t tell her that he liked her and then was mean to her the entire trip and then came to India, just assuming that she would want him at all.”

I glared. “You don’t know anything about romance.”

“No. Uh, I think I can say that because I do.”

For the next few minutes, we argued about Raj’s intentions and women loving bad boys. He argued that movies like DDLJ work to provide little girls with fantasies about their Prince Charming and the wrong message about bad boys being really actually good at heart. I argued that he didn’t understand romance and it would be better if he stayed out of it.

We never really reached a conclusion but before we knew, it was pretty late, and he needed to get back home.

He grabbed his jacket out of the closet and we argued heatedly all the way to the door.

“Raj is an idiot but this was fun, Shiv” he said smiling “We should do it again.”

“Whatever.” I said, shaking my head and smiling “Raj is amazing.”

He laughed and opened the door and then stopped.

He turned around with a grin on his face.

“You know what we just did, right?”

I shook my head, confused.

“Dil…Dil…”

“Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge?” I supplied helpfully.

“Yes. We just had an intense conversation about Dil Aale Dul Annie Le Jange.”

I looked at him, confused.

“And…?”

“And. And..” He paused. “Do you want to read some Socrates together on Thursday?”

He grinned, staring at my shocked face, and bounded down the stairs.

I shut my door slowly behind him, trying to process what had just happened.

A smile found its way onto my face.

Then, I put my feet in the brand new shoes, wiggled my toes a little bit, and finally got comfortable.

Dev Patel and Freida Pinto on the Oscar Red Carpet for Slumdog Millionaire.

by Fauzeya Rahman

This year’s Academy Awards will be like any previous year.  We’ll see the usual red carpet scene, celebrities either looking fierce (or not so much) and awards will be given to the top movies of the year.  Unlike previous years, however, there’s a good chance we could see a movie whose storyline came straight out of the slums of Mumbai win best picture of the year.

“Slumdog Millionaire” has received both critical acclaim and widespread popularity.  Its success has been analyzed by hardcore film buffs and casual moviegoers alike.  Whatever its appeal is for the individual viewer, the movie succeeds in bringing the South Asian identity out from the sidelines into the forefront.

It is very rare to see South Asian characters in popular sitcoms or movies in the States.  Whenever there was the rare Desi cast, they were always portrayed as a recent immigrant with a heavy accent, usually as a taxi driver or a similar profession.  Needless to say, it was hard to identify with Apu from “The Simpsons,” and most of us never really saw much of ourselves portrayed in Hollywood.

Kal Penn in the hit series "House".

Flash forward to 2009.  Aishwarya Rai is starring in the new “Pink Panther” movie.  Snoop Dogg collaborated for a track in the Bollywood flick “Singh is Kinng.”  Kal Penn is a household name (well, in households with teens or 20-somethings present).  There is a definite fusion and collaboration that is taking place, a clear step in a new direction.

Seeing as how Asians account for 13.5 million of the U.S. population, a stronger presence in pop culture is to be expected.  Rather than having the token Asian fulfilling some stereotype, we’re starting to see South Asians cast in major roles in TV and in movies.  We aren’t 100 percent at accurate representation, but slowly we’re getting there.

Lakshmi Menon in an ad for Banana Republic.

One big difference (and improvement) is that South Asians aren’t solely represented as “exotic” anymore.  Take Lakshmi Menon for instance.  She’s appeared in Banana Republic commercials, has modeling contracts with Hermes and Givenchy and has walked in runway shows for top designers such as Michael Kors and Vera Wang.  She’s achieved great success not only as an Indian model, but as a model in general.

This wasn’t always the case for Indian models.  For model/host of “Top Chef” Padma Lakshmi, during her modeling days she was usually featured in ethnic clothing in exotic locales.  As the advertising and editorial world is heading towards greater diversity, we’re starting to see differences in our everyday lives.

So what does this all mean?  Well for starters, maybe the younger generations growing up seeing such diversity will be uninhibited in choosing their career paths.  They will further break down barriers and stereotypes and we’ll be seeing fellow South Asians filling more non-traditional roles, further erasing stereotypes.  Maybe we’ll see more Bollywood and Hollywood collaborations on the big screen.  Maybe rather than being seen as “exotic,” we’ll be seen simply as we are.