Read the intro Brown Girl U: Mahila Facts

How many times have you blamed your latest acne break out on hormones? Or your irrational desire to cry over a restaurant not getting your order right?

Personally, I despise when a man tries to blame anything I do on my hormones but I’m usually more than ready to blame my own shortcomings to console myself. Hopefully, today you’ll learn exactly which hormones are active in your body and be able to blame the culprits by name.

It’s important for me to remind you that keeping track of your menstrual cycle is important. There are a few apps available that will help you do this. Using the calendar on your computer or your e-mail is also a good option.

A normal menstrual cycle is about 28 days long. A variation of 8 days is considered normal. Day 1 is marked by the first day of menstruation. Menstruation can last anywhere from 5-7 days. During this period all levels of hormones are low except for the Follicular Stimulating Hormone (FSH). While the uterus is busy with the excretion and shedding of its upper layers, the FSH is stimulating parts of the ovary that contain the eggs. Each of these tiny parts known as an ovarian follicle contains a single egg. Every woman is born with these follicles that become active upon reaching puberty.

Once menstruation ends, the Follicular Phase begins (also known as the Proliferative Phase). This can last anywhere from Day 5-7 to Day 12-13. The one follicle that has garnered the most attention from FSH prepares itself for ovulation. This dominant follicle continues to grow and can be called a Graafian Follicle. It begins to secrete Estradiol ,which is one of the kinds of estrogen present in our bodies (Yup, we do have a lot of it). This is a feel good hormone, you’ll probably feel more feminine and sexier during this time. Women also notice a mucus discharge during this time.

Towards the end of the Follicular Phase the high levels of Estradiol kick off the surge in Luteinizing Hormone (LH) and begins Ovulation. The LH surge lasts for about 48 hours and cause the maturation of the follicle and weakens its walls releasing the egg that promptly matures into the ovum. It is brushed into the fallopian tubes where it awaits fertilization for about a day as the Corpus Luteum.

The Luteal Phase (also known as the Secretory Phase) begins around Day 16 and occurs when the Corpus Luteum continues to grow after the end of Ovulation. It secretes high levels of Progesterone that is responsible for the increase in tissue and blood circulation in the topmost layer of the uterus known as the endometrium. This is done so that the egg will be well cushioned when it enters the uterus after being fertilized in the fallopian tubes in preparation for the following pregnancy. The Luteal Phase lasts about 14 days. If the Corpus Luteum is not fertilized, the luteum and the endometrial cushioning is destroyed and shed. It is removed from the body during menstruation.

Progesterone typically causes a sedative effect on the body. You are more likely to feel depressed and tired when these levels are high. This is also when you can expect PMS in full swing.

Different levels of hormones effect on everything from acne breakouts to hunger and cravings. Logging and keeping track of your menstrual cycle will help you understand yourself and anticipate changes. It will help you prepare yourself in advance and stock up on that Dutch Chocolate ice cream you love so much!

If you have questions or suggestions for topics you would like me to incorporate into future lessons, feel free to e-mail me at atiya.hasan@browngirlmagazine.com!

Images via: top, bottom, right

Sources: 1, 2

During my second year of medical school, I remember standing in the office of one of the most hated teachers on campus as she questioned me on a topic I had been absent for. It was a fairly simple question, yet my fear and my uncertainty over the answer made me pause and the teacher threw me a look of hate.

“You’re a woman and you can’t tell me about the phases of the menstrual cycle?” she asked.

It was only after I crumpled into a seat on the bus that I allowed myself to think about the question. I hated the teacher, just like everyone else, but she knew her subject well. For once, I let myself agree with her criticism.

How could I not know about the menstrual cycle? Why did it take until medical school for me to fully study it? Shouldn’t this information have been force fed to me as I grew up? Another example of the public school system failing me. After all, this had to with me. Me and my body.

It’s been a few years since that incident and the more I studied it, the more I realized how little women actually knew about the inner workings of our bodies. We focus so much on outer appearances, covering up flaws and exercising – the ‘how to’ – but we forget the ‘why.’ If you understand the ‘why’ you can understand which ‘how to’ is right for you.

So emerged the idea of Mahila Facts, mahila being the Hindi word for woman. This will be a continuing series of discussing topics such as the phases of the menstrual cycle (of course), hormones in the female body, types of birth control and how to choose the one right for you, etc. This series is also meant to be interactive so feel free to send questions or comments to me at atiya.hasan@browngirlmagazine.com and I will address them in future lessons.

Photo via

Recently, there has been quite a bit of attention surrounding issues targeting women. Much of this attention focused around the contraception issue, which brought light on to issues like personhood amendments, transvaginal ultra sounds, and of course the unnecessary attention on the now famous Georgetown student Sandra Fluke.  Here’s the Brown Girl Guide to help you track what’s going on.

Recently, contraception became a topic of contention due to a healthcare mandate requiring most insurance plans to provide preventive services, including birth control at no extra cost. Certain religious groups could opt out of this new mandate, which was based on the religious exemptions used by most states. This of course became a topic of discussion when certain religious groups thought the federal exemption was narrowly defined mandating religious organizations like charities and hospitals to pay for contraception. After receiving heavy criticism from religious groups such as the Catholic Church, President Obama had to pull back the mandate. This means that religious hospitals or charities such as Catholic Charities are no longer required to pay for birth control. The compromise or accommodation here directs the insurance provider, and not the religious institution to pay for preventive care for women. Catholic bishops in the country collectively continue to reject this accommodation citing that it’s still a violation of religious liberty.

President Obama pulling back his mandate led to criticism from the other side. Those who strongly support the principle of separation of church and state have criticized President Obama for violating individual liberties. The issue here of course lies with the conscious of the individual woman and not the conscious of a religious entity. Surveys and studies have shown that many Catholic women use contraception in about the same rate as the general population. This brings up the question of individual liberty according to a woman’s own conscious. How can a religious institution exclusively headed by men dictate policy for its own followers and those not following the religion? Religious institutions extending to universities, hospitals, and charities have many Christian women and non-Christian employees using contraception. This brings light to the question of should a religious institution as an employer have the right to discriminate? Conservatives have continued to answer this question as holding up religious liberty with the upmost respect.

In order to discuss the issue of contraception corresponding to religious freedom, Representative Darell Issa called five people to testify, all of them being men. The even more ridiculous part all five men being opposed to contraception. How is it that in 2012 we have an issue exclusively discussed by men that concerns a woman’s body? Representative Issa was asked by two female representatives to include women on the panel resulting in an assertive “no”. This in turn goes back to the frustrating idea that policymaking concerning a woman’s body is exclusively dealt by men in a political system or in a religious institution.

In order to balance the sexist nature of the contraception debate, Democrats requested that Representative Issa include Sandra Fluke, a third year law student at Georgetown University. Representative Issa’s reasoning for refusing Fluke to testify was that she was not a member of the clergy and that she lacked the expertise in the field. While Representative Issa refused to include Fluke’s testimony, the House Democratic and Steering and Policy committee allowed Fluke to speak on behalf of millions of women affected by contraception.

The controversy regarding Fluke became apparent as the now infamous right-wing talk show host Rush Limbaugh decided to inject himself into the debate. Limbaugh, known to be a vocal critic of anything regarding the left attacked Fluke numerous times by calling her a “slut” and a “prostitute.” Limbaugh like many conservatives have questioned why women should be provided free contraception and why women like Fluke don’t practice abstinence. These conservative men who seem to find a woman’s sexuality problematic are the same men who have never questioned why Viagra is covered by most insurance companies. This often takes us back to the traditional notion that it’s okay for a man to be sexually liberal, but we must regulate a woman’s sexuality.

Adding on to the war on women, Virginia along with over 10 states introduced personhood bills. The purpose of such bills is to grant personhood status to an unborn child upon conception, and even before implantation. Many critics of the bill were weary as some sponsors of the Virginia bill indicated that this would not affect abortion or contraception. As part of the same bill, legislators enacted a provision that would require any woman seeking abortion to under go a transvaginal ultrasound. This particular provision requires women seeking an abortion to be probed through the vagina to produce a clear picture of the fetus. What this provision essentially seeks is to guilt women into not undergo an abortion. Such a requirement would be the height of invasion of privacy. Mandating personhood and transvaginal ultrasounds would not only cause legal issues, but gradually push us back into a primitive era where women lacked the authority to control their bodies and their sexuality.

Looking back over the past few decades, women can proudly say that they have come a long way and have overcome many obstacles. In spite of overcoming obstacles, women are still part of patriarchal institutions, whether it is the political system or a religious intuition. 2012 has been an interesting year for women so far. Women have been the topic of rigorous debate regarding issues from contraception to transvaginal ultrasounds. Many may disagree with me, but I see this as nothing, but a new era of misogyny. Like many critics have asked, where are the women? Why that is in 2012 men are the most vocal about these issues primarily concerning women. The last time I checked, women are the only ones that conceive and produce children. Then why are we as a society so imitated by hearing about a woman’s sexuality? Why is that in 2012, women are still referred to as “sluts” and prostitutes in regards to their sexuality. Whether you are socially conservative or liberal regarding such issues, shouldn’t women vocalize their opinions when it concerns their bodies? The opposition for the contraception mandate has exclusively been vocalized by male bishops. Bills granting personhood status and requiring women to undergo transvagnial ultrasounds have been exclusively introduced by men. So, I leave you with the question, where are the women?

Sources:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/02/10/obama-birth-control_n_1267677.html

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/03/08/contraception-debate-catholic-usccb-tension_n_1333524.html

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tobias-barrington-wolff/virginia-ultrasound-bill_b_1278832.html

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=147875919

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/02/17/us/politics/birth-control-coverage-rule-debated-at-house-hearing.html

After just one season, TLC has cancelled its controversial new show about the lives of Lebanese Muslim American families in Michigan after a disappointing drop in viewers.

When the show premiered, it was instantly met with controversy from the Florida Family Association who attacked as “propaganda that riskily hides the Islamic agenda’s clear and present danger to American liberties and traditional values.”

Hardware company Lowe’s dropped its advertising from the show and prompted Christian and Muslim groups to come together and protest the corporation. Ever after a petition to reinstate the advertising by over 200,000 people, Lowe’s still refused.

How does this instill any hope in American networks to broadcast lives of normal, everyday Americans who just happen to have a different religion or culture? If a show about American Muslims can’t work on a network like TLC which is built for all sorts of reality TV (The Virgin Diaries and 19 Kids And Counting anyone?), where else will we ever get to see it?

To be fair, I’m not Muslim – I’m Hindu. But this type of bias and prejudice affects all of us.

And it’s not just reality. When NBC ordered Outsourced in 2010, there was definite protest to the show for carelessly depicting a comedy about Americans losing their jobs to Indians because its cheaper.

While Outsourced was actually a pretty bad show that used a lot of stereotypes of the Indian culture, it was still an outrage to see people getting up in arms for a sitcom. No one was saying losing American jobs was funny, it was just the premise to get the main character to India. And it was based on a very sweet film from 2006.

Now obviously it’s not like we’re the only ones who suffer from ignorance and insensitivity. As long as there are organizations or people like the Florida Family Association, One Million Moms, or the Westboro Baptist Church, no one can ever say that ALL Americans are treated as equals.

Image via TLC

 We are the generation of the Internet. We are stereotyped as the self-absorbed, pretentious, incredibly social and aspiringly superficial generation. Very often, we successfully fulfill all those criteria. My favorite lazy days are spent in bed catching up on TV shows, shopping online and Facebooking, most of the time, simultaneously. However, when I came across this video, it made me sit up and take notice. I shed uninhibited tears for the pains suffered a world apart. It shook me to my core that children were having to endure what most adults wouldn’t have the courage to face.

 One 30 minute clip later, I found myself on Twitter. #Kony2012 and #stopKony were trending. All of a sudden, the whole world seemed to be echoing my emotions. They had all experienced the agony of guilt for their ignorance about such atrocities and they all felt the fire within to make a difference. It wasn’t long before Invisible Children’s (the organization behind documentary) website and donation pages started crashing.

 We’ve all heard the great capabilities of the Internet. It was instrumental in dethroning the dictators of a handful of Arab countries. On January 18^th of this year, we witnessed the Anti-SOPA Blackout Day that changed the minds of many politicians and saved our code of privacy. For a majority of these events, we stood on the sidelines and watched it play out. Some of us helped spread the word while others were too busy to be bothered by it. The Kony 2012 Movement is different. We will be the reason that today’s biggest criminal will be captured. You and I will make this difference and we will live on to tell the tale of how we helped bring this world one step closer to being a just world.

 The worst of oppressors is the oppressor of children. Help eradicate this man and if you do nothing else this year, you will have accomplished that.

KONY 2012 from INVISIBLE CHILDREN on Vimeo.

Invisible Children Facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/invisiblechildren?ref=ts

To buy action kit/bracelets: http://invisiblechildrenstore.myshopify.com/

To make a donation: https://www.stayclassy.org/checkout/donation?eid=14711

To sign the pledge: http://www.causes.com/causes/227-invisible-children

Like many of you may already know, the Susan G. Komen for the Cure foundation that started the famous pink ribbon campaign has recently been in the spotlight for all the wrong reasons. Susan G. Komen for the Cure, a charity organization that has been known to be the most well established breast cancer organization collects donations and invests in breast cancer research, health screening services, treatment and public health education. Since 1982, the Komen foundation has helped thousands of women gain access to breast cancer services. The idea of helping low income women gain access to health services pushed the Komen foundation to partner with Planned Parenthood. Over the past five years, this partnership allowed low income women around the country to get clinical breast exams and referrals for mammograms. In order to fund such services, Planned Parenthood received about $680,000 last year from the Komen foundation.

 The partnership fell to controversy after the Komen foundation recently announced that they would no longer provide support to Planned Parenthood. According to Leslie Aun, the spokesperson for Komen said that the organization’s decision to defund Planned Parenthood was based on a new policy that blocked them from granting funds to organizations that are under investigation on the local, state and federal level. This decision sent off a firestorm of criticism from politicians to several women’s organizations around the country. About 26 senators signed a letter asking Brinker, the CEO of Komen to reconsider the decision to defund Planned Parenthood. Adding to the backlash that Komen was receiving, many individual donors pledged never to make a donation to Komen, but instead direct their donations to Planned Parenthood. Within the next day after Komen’s decision was made public, Planned Parenthood raised almost as much money it lost due to Komen’s decision. Within days Planned Parenthood managed to raise $3 million, including a $250,000 donation from New York City Mayor Bloomberg and a $100,000 donation from Livestrong.

As Komen’s decision was causing fury, Brinker the CEO of Komen went on a media tour granting interviews trying to revive the glorious image of the Komen foundation. Brinker’s damage control tour hurt the Komen foundation even more as her explanations for the decision to defund Planned Parenthood seemed to change from time to time. To top of the questions from Brinker’s media tour, Karen Handel, the Senior Vice President of Public Policy was raising even more questions. Appointed a year ago, Handel was responsible for leading advocacy efforts for the Komen foundation.

Handel being a former Republican gubernatorial candidate in Georgia, ran on a pro-life or what some call an anti-choice platform. While campaigning for Governor of Georgia, Handel has been quoted to stop public funding for Planned Parenthood. Planned Parenthood being the largest provider of abortions has been the target of many protests over the years. Handel like many other politicians has been pushed by anti-abortion groups to take a strong stance against Planned Parenthood. This of course brought many questions about the role Handel played in Komen’s decision to defund Planned Parenthood. Handel backed by the Komen foundation denied any role played in Komen’s decision to defund Planned Parenthood. As questions were being raised, within 3 days Komen decided to reverse its decision to defund Planned Parenthood. A statement was released by the Komen foundation that they will “continue to fund existing grants, including those of Planned Parenthood, and preserve their eligibility to apply for future grants.” If that wasn’t enough, Handel officially resigned her position as the Senior Vice President of Public Policy denying she played any role in the decision to defund Planned Parenthood.

 This whole situation has caused a huge public relations nightmare for the Komen Foundation. Facebook along with many other internet sites has been filled with angry comments about Komen’s decision to defund Planned Parenthood. Many individuals have pledged to never donate or take part in other activities such the Race for the Cure walks. I fail to understand how the Komen foundation has been okay with partnering with a fast food chain such as KFC, but not Planned Parenthood. This brings us to the question of should a non-profit organization deny another organization funding on political grounds? Some people continue to say that Komen was just following guidelines, which I of course fail to see as a good reason. If Komen was really following guidelines to defund organizations that are under investigation, why did it not apply such guidelines to all other organizations that are under investigation? I for one see Komen’s decision to defund Planned Parenthood as purely a political decision. Whether one is pro-choice or pro-life, providing funding to help low income women gain access to clinical breast exams or mammograms should never be an issue.

Resources:

NPR: Komen Foundation Now Says It Will Continue Grants to Planned Parenthood

WSJ: Charity Does an About Face

Washington Post: Timeline of key events in Komen controversy

AP: Komen Exec Quits After Planned Parenthood Flap

Image www.washingtonpost.com

[painting by Charuta Paresh]

I have news for y’all: gossip can be lethal. A lot of us have been affected by the grand epidemic of gossip in the South Asian community. However, it isn’t just annoying, it can seriously harm people. Gossip isn’t just over Chai; it’s over lives. After the loss of Tyler Clementi, many of us realized that this covert gossip culture and homophobia could teach people to become more overtly disrespectful.

So far, most of the queerphobia I have faced has been from people of color, mostly Indians. The first time I felt violated was when I was told by a desi friend in college that some of her girlfriends used to scour my facebook profile for evidence of lesbianism. For me, their underlying lesbophobia wasn’t scary or devastating. These particular girls did not have much significance in my life and I had already removed most Indians from my life after coming out in an effort to protect myself. I should mention that it mattered to me that my friend had actively told them what they were doing wasn’t nice. If you want to be an ally, take notes.

I was blessed to have a collection of understanding and accepting friends from high school (in England and the U.S.) and college who were outside of the stereotypical Indian community. While it was stressful, I didn’t really fall to pieces when I realized that the Indian community might not accept me, because they weren’t everything to me. It was stressful dealing with my mother but even that I got through because she was dealing with her fear of the Indian community more than her own queerphobia.

Fast forward four years and the same thing happened again, except this time it was an anonymous Indian from my U.S. hometown who had been scouring my facebook profile and sharing stories with others. The news of my queerness had apparently taken years to travel from college to home. This anon. told someone who told someone who asked one of my desi girlfriends if I was a lesbian. My friend, out of reflex, covered for me and said she didn’t think so. Although in my situation I didn’t need her to lie, I appreciated that her instinct was still to protect me. Again, if you want to be an ally to your friends, take notes.

These petty attempts of others to get into my life don’t bother or hurt me on a personal level. I definitely want some privacy from the general public and need to distance myself from my family in India, I also need to protect my parents from the Indian community in the U.S. that they are surrounded by. However, I am not particularly in the closet and have nothing major to fear that I am currently aware of.

When I told my Bangla didi-friend about these incidents she made it clear that she would defend me if she ever heard anything said rudely about me in our community. I have friends who have and will support me, but what about those that don’t have anyone? I worry that the feeling of privacy violation may be scarier for someone else than it was for me. I wasn’t in fear of my parents, but someone else may. It hurts me that what happened to me may not be trivial if it happens to someone else. I don’t want to lose another member of the queer community, or the desi family.

I’m speaking of the Indian community because that is where I have experienced it, but I know this happens everywhere. We all need to be careful before we gossip about topics as sensitive as a person’s sexual and gender identity. We need to understand that in our society, not everyone is safe. We could stand under the same apple tree as our neighbor but because they’re queer (or brown, black, woman, etc.) they are more likely to get hit by an apple. We must think before we put our neighbor’s business out there, because even if we don’t mean harm, someone else might… or our neighbor might think we meant more harm than we did.

I know I’m not perfect and most people gossip in some way, shape, or form. I need to follow this advice as much as anyone else. I suggest we keep focusing our efforts on being good friends and advocating for those in hostile social situations. Furthermore, it is always healthy to keep a holistic outlook on the world and human beings. If we do not know someone’s whole story (we rarely do) then we have little right in gossiping about them.

Amongst many South Indians, the first menstrual cycle in a girl often calls for much joy and celebration as it indicates that the girl is now a ‘grown up woman’, with her womb ready to ‘receive’. At the same time and in a seemingly contradictory manner, it is customary for the women to be barred from entering the kitchen to cook during menstruation. Although some view this as the period when a woman is allowed to rest and be relieved of her domestic duties, she is not allowed to touch anyone or enter the temple or perform any religious rituals.

-Sarita Manu, “Pure or (im)pure?”, HRISouthAsian Blog

I got my first period when I was twelve. Small and underdeveloped, I could pass for nine. Though I was emotionally mature, and had already defined myself a feminist, I was confused by the conflicting messages I received from my family.

My mom insisted on calling India to inform relatives immediately, much to my embarrassment. My dad, traveling on business, was also immediately notified and called me the next day, asking me if I was eating well and vaguely telling me it was “important now.” I received gifts and jewelry from extended family and noticed my mom’s aunty friends giving me knowing smiles.

I knew the event was important in some way and though I thought I understood the mechanics (having read Are You There God, It’s Me Margaret in elementary school), I still wasn’t quite sure why exactly I was being treated so differently. The next year would bring more puzzling changes as a result of my new status as a woman – albeit one who still looked like a young girl, who still wasn’t able to swallow ibuprofen to treat cramps.

I remember my mom chastising me for pointing out a scar on her bare arms while we happened to sharing an elevator with a man in the local community center. The resulting explanation of why one shouldn’t call attention to exposed skin in front of a strange man left me confused and hurt. As did my ban on attending temple with the rest of the family, just because it was a certain day of the month.

As I got older, I understood the bans on makeup and the fear my mom displayed when I talked about boys from school after I “officially” became a woman. But as the confusion disappeared, anger arrived in its place. I repeatedly questioned my mom and other female relatives – why did they refuse to make prasadam while on their period? Why did they – god-fearing, devout – women refuse to participate in poojas during “that time of the month”? Who was stopping them, and why? Why would God, who supposedly granted women the power and honor of bearing children let the process that allowed them to create shame?

I still haven’t received a satisfactory answer. Possible explanations offered don’t soothe me: that historically, the only break from housework a woman would receive was during her period, that offering women a rest is out of respect to her sensitive state. Maybe in ancient times, but now?

This article, posted on HRI Institute for South Asian Research and Exchange’s blog, showcases a presentation entitled ‘Feminine Representations and Themes of Resistance in Nepali Art.’  Installations included a woman sitting in a makeshift hut, alone, as many women are still required to (1). Another depicts a mannequin with red strings (red is notably the color of celebration in most South Asian countries) that turn into cloth lotuses – paradoxically, as lotuses are often used in Hindu ceremonies (2).

My mom knows my feelings on the topic and knows I don’t agree with her sticking with tradition. But it still happens – a few months ago, attending temple for a Carnatic music concert, I got my period. My mom refused to let me ask any of the other women for supplies, even though we were on our way out, and hushed me when I mentioned the problem.

I know there are many more sides to this issue. I know women are celebrated and respected in India and Hinduism for their fertility and not all women feel ashamed of their menstrual cycle or even adhere to the ancient traditions described above. But as Sarita Manu mentions in the conclusion of her blog, it will take more than education or awareness to stop thinking of menstruation as an impure process.

I hope this starts a discussion.

Images above via; Image of Goddess Ganga via

Since BG’s inception, we have had many, many readers send us comments about the sticky topic of interracial relationships. Girls have asked for advice, shared their own stories, and even left advice for girls in facing the same dilemmas. There is a wide array of stories, ranging from happy, sad, frustrating, to inspiring.

Many outside of the South Asian community are amazed that in 2011 interracial relationships would be examined with such scrutiny. Its a sad fact that many Brown Girls have dealt with quite a bit of drama when it comes to dating someone outside of the community. But on the other hand, there are some great stories of how these relationships have worked out so well.

We at BG thought it would be great to stir up the discussion by sharing some stories from the “other side”- non-South Asians talking about their experiences with Brown Girls. We hope to feature stories the challenges of interracial relationships as well as show how they can be possible! Most of all, its always an interesting to hear what guys think!

To start, we have one of our own staffer’s BF talk a little bit about his relationship and what he’s learned from dating a Brown Girl. Meet Andrew Otis, beau of Sheela Lal.

Who are you currently dating and for how long?

I’m dating a fantastic lady named Sheela Lal. We’ve been dating since July 2010.

What were some of the barriers to overcome in order to be in this relationship?
The biggest barrier might have been meeting her father. But that was easily overcome! Sheela and I were traveling in India, and I was having all sorts of digestive troubles (It’s India, hey). She suggested that the best way for me to meet her father, a doctor, was to have me Skype him about all the diarrhea and other stomach problems I was having. It was a very awkward conversation, the first meet-the-parents talk being about my poo. But I think he likes me now.

What is your cultural background? Do you find there are similarities that help make the relationship work?

My mother is ethnically Jewish and I suppose my father is a WASP. We’re not very culturally attuned as a family other than that we usually celebrate Hanukkah and Christmas because those holidays have presents. I think our differing cultural backgrounds, ethnicity wise neither help nor hurt. They just are. But they certainly give us things to talk about: I know more now about Salman Khan’s biceps than I would ever care to know, or how cute Abhy Deol is. What’s more important are other similarities that we have, such as values, or what we like to do with our time.

How do you feel about the cultural differences? Are they apparent on a day to day basis or do they hardly come up?

Cultural differences seem to arise mostly with her family’s values on relationships. The fact that she is dating me presents problems. Mostly along the lines that no one outside her immediate family should know that I exist. Generally, though, it’s not really a problem.

Do you feel like everyone is always watching you or paying you too much heed because you’re in a relationship with someone of South Asian decent?

Hah. No. Well, except in India. Then *everybody* is watching you.

What do your friends (both South Asian and not) think of your significant other’s background? Did anyone ever say maybe this is or isn’t a good idea?

My friends are very supportive, and they usually don’t mention her ethnic background, except for the comments that I went to India and found myself an Indian girlfriend (Sheela and I met in Hyderabad. She goes to the University of Missouri and we met studying abroad). They have told me that she’s a keeper, so that must be a good sign!

My mother’s main comment is that she thinks that brown parents inexplicably don’t let their children drive on the interstate. Otherwise, I think that’s about her only gripe, and she enjoys the fact that she and Sheela can team up and torment me together.

What advice would you have for a guy who may be interested in dating
a Brown Girl?

I never set out to date a brown person. At no point did I think to myself: “I’m going to exclusively pursue South Asian women.” That’s just silly. (In fact, I wasn’t doing a particularly good job at pursuing anybody). Be open, who you’re willing to date and realize that her culture may be a lot different than yours. There’s definitely a lot to learn. And have fun, of course!

What advice would you have for a Brown Girl in an interracial relationship?
I don’t know if I can give any great advice for brown girls dating interracially. You are probably your own best judge of your parents when it comes to who you’re dating. I can say, though, try to learn how to drive a manual transmission car. I’m still working on that one with Sheela.

What is it about South Asian women that appeals to you?

It’s not that South Asian women specifically appeal to me, although I think they are very pretty. It was more circumstance than anything else that brought us together. While I appreciate and enjoy her culture, Sheela could be any other ethnicity and it wouldn’t change my attraction for her.

Sheela and Andrew show us that an interracial relationship can work and they are fun! And as a nice bonus, Sheela has shared her own advice on dating that you can read here.

Stay tuned for more…If you would like to share your story (anonymously or not) please send an email to aditi.mehta@browngirlmagazine.com. We’d love to include your story in our discussion of interracial relationships within the South Asian community! 

Miss Representation has been hitting college campuses around the country. If you haven’t heard of the movie, I urge you to at least watch the trailer. The film covers an extremely important issue that our society is facing today. It is one that is detrimental to the mental and physical health of millions of youth.

While I admit, the movie is a bit sensational; it needs to be in order to get our attention. The media needs to reflect on its moral foundations and go through and ‘extreme makeover.’ As we are having protests against Wall Street and corrupt governments around the world, let’s ride that wave and change the way we perceive, stereotype and condition genders.

As a 25 year old women and a professional athlete, I struggle with the mixed signals I get from society and my upbringing. Be strong conflicts with be sexy. Be compassionate gets in the way of having thick skin. Being cool with guys friends is hard when I don’t take disrespect and stand up for women. I am sick of warped body image ideals and the incessant reminders that the worst thing for a woman to be is old.

Here are some highlights from the film:

• The media is the message and the messenger.

• A girls value and worth depends on how she looks. Boys get the message that a girl’s appearance is what’s important.

• The average teenager gets 10 hrs and 45 mins a day of total media.

• 53 percent of teen girls are unhappy with their body

• 65 percent of women and girls have an eating disorder.

• There is a concept of a perfect woman and that ideal is impossible to achieve.

• Advertising is about making people feel and want something they are not. It is a 230 billion dollar industry.

• Women spend an average of 12,000 to 15,000 dollars a year on beauty and spa treatments.

• Girls see themselves are objects as and in turn self objectify.

• Too few women running for office or in leadership positions.

• 51% of the US population is women yet only 17% are represented in Congress. Cuba, China, Iraq and Afghanistan have more women in government that America!

• By the age of 7 women feel the gender bias and consider leadership to be a masculine quality.

• Only 16% of females are the protagonist in Hollywood films and they are looking to be rescued or to find love. Or they are portrayed as a bitchy boss that sacrificed family and love.

• On TV there are only 20-30 year old women. However, 20 and 30 year olds are only 39 percent of the American population. This is telling us that women at 40 are some how not wanted?

• Reality TV portrays women as vindictive, gold diggers, natural enemies fighting for a man.

• Women in power is often seen as a negative thing. Hillary Clinton’s ambition is portrayed negatively throughout the media.

I wanted to know what men thought about in regards to this issue. I have to admit, when I asked my friends to respond, I was a bit skeptical that they would even take the time to write back. I was so pleasantly surprised with the responses to this film and I forgot that these ideals also effect men and that most men don’t agree with society’s messages about women.

Alejandro, 24 Cancun, Mexico

Incredible video! I feel that the problem is poor education, and not finding out what is really valuable in life. Things like kindness, respect, laughter, friendship, trust, etc, are forgotten and replaced with much easier and quick-satisfaction sources like lust, power, avarice, and superficial characteristics like body image. These misconceptions originate from FEAR: to not be respected, to not be accepted. FEAR, I believe, originates from hatred towards ourselves. Why do we hate ourselves? Because we feel we are never good enough for the society’s standards. It’s a cycle that never stops unless we cut the chain. The question is, which one should we cut?

Jordan, 22 US Marine

Well, I did know it was sort of like this in the media but I had no idea the reality of it. The media is supposed to be unbiased and this is insane what they’re doing. The statistics were a great eye opener and show that we need an equal number of women in the top positions in corporate America. Its one thing to say that sex sells but to start belittling women in government, the workplace, and where ever else you are not trying sell clothes at least then I don’t understand the idiot logic in that. I can understand Victoria’s Secret along with other merchandisers but that’s advertising, since when did the government need women who appeal sexually?

Alex , 20 Michigan

I checked out that link, but it was only ~3 minutes long. I have mixed feelings about it. On one hand, I agree that the media really pushes women to try to become something that isn’t realistic (Barbie doll image, etc). I don’t think that’s a good thing because it makes women feel insecure about themselves and isn’t good for their mental health. But on the other hand, it’s not like it’s not the same for guys. They show Ronny from Jersey Shore dancing with two chicks at a club, but they don’t seem to care that Ronny is jacked up on roids {steroids} and makes every guy in the world seem small. I think it goes both ways, the media pushes for men to become things that aren’t healthy either.

Raahil, 21 London

This is a fantastic reality check for our society. Women have largely become portrayed as sex symbols and men in my opinion view them as the same. The media has really portrayed looks and the key criteria to be judged upon. And it is showing when you look at the nightclubs and bars. Girls who are barely 18 are dressing and dancing in ways that are seen on television and in music videos. The guys are expecting the girls to do that, and it is becoming the norm. I loved this video, a must see for all teenagers especially women!

Eric, 23 New York, NY

One of the first things I noticed about the trailer is that there are few, if any, men actually commenting on the issue. I can understand that a film focused on women would not want to include men, but it belies just how much of the objectification and exploitation of women is engendered by women themselves. Women, in my experience, often compete with more ferocity than even the strongest of men (and have the struggle of pregnancy to prove their mettle). Has it ever struck critics that the fact that there are more women than men in our country is perfectly in line with what is happening in the media today? Sometimes I wonder.

You can read more of these interviews on Neha’s website: www.nehauberoi.com.

You can learn more about the film at www.missrepresentation.org.

Other media: A Look At Media, Gender In ‘Miss Representation’