I don’t usually get crazy nervous when I interview sources for stories but tonight, my nerves took a crazy rollercoaster ride. I felt like a 10-year-old girl at a Spice Girls concert. I had the privilege of speaking with one of my favorite up and coming South Asian artists, Arjun. His debut single ‘Remember Tonight’, gained him the title as ‘Best Newcomer‘ at the Brit Asia Music Awards 2011. I was first introduced to Arjun’s music from one of my best friends and now I cannot stop listening. If you haven’t checked him out, you need to. He has gained whopping 3,696,331 views thus far for his version of the famous, “Why This Kolaveri Di” Tamil hit. Here’s how the Skype interview went:

BG: Some may say that you’re the next Jay Sean or Lomaticc, what do you think about the accuracy of that statement?

 A: I get that a lot really, I do love both artists and their work. Jay Sean has paved the way for Asian artists so thanks to him for that. I just don’t think our sound is the same since my work is guitar based and I also compose all of my own music. All three of us have our own kind of sound, which makes us unique.

BG: Of all the places you’ve performed at so far, which has been your favorite venue or audience?

A: I’ve done some big gigs in England recently, Diwali on the square at Trafalgar Square with an audience of about 30,000 people.  I’ve performed on beaches in Sri Lanka. However, my all time favorite has to be supporting Jagged Edge and Blackstreet at a club in London.

BG: Speaking of performances, are there any plans of you coming to the U.S…more optimistically, Texas?

A: I’m hoping to come to at least 4/5 cities in the US right now like L.A or New York. I’d love to come to Texas if something comes up so give me a shout out if something comes up!

BG: Not that anyone’s counting, but the last time I checked, your “Why This Kolaveri Di English R&B Mix” had a grand total of 3,313,830 views. How do you feel about that?

A: One day, for fun I was humming the tune and ended up adding English to it and then decided to produce it. I got online the next morning and saw the number of views it had and was shocked. I’m really glad I did it. I think it’s also in due part to Facebook and Twitter and becoming so viral online.

 BG: Who are some of your mentors or inspiration for your music?

 A: Craig David. He has a very similar guitar sound and in the late 90’s he was such a great inspiration to me. 112, Genuwine, Jack Johnson and Jason Mraz. I love all kinds of music and I hope that reflects in my own tracks.

 BG: If someone asked you what your favorite song on the radio is, what would your answer be?

 A: I like that Jay-Z and Kanye track, I can’t say the name but you know, “N” word in Paris.

 BG: When you’re not making music, what do you enjoy doing?

 A: I really enjoy playing cricket and just sports in general. I’m also into architecture and artsy things. Normal things, chilling with my mates and going clubbing.

 BG: If you could do a collaboration with any artist, who would it be and why?

A: From an R&B perspective obviously I’d love to do one with a rapper…so Jay-Z would be a privilege. Ryan Leslie would be great too. I really look up to him and respect what he does so one day hopefully I will get to work with him.

 Friend him, Tweet him,Youtube him!

I can see how the phrase “power dressing” can sometime be misleading. When people think of “power dressing,” the first two things that come into some minds are shoulder pads and court shoes! Even though shoulder pads and court shoes have seen their days, ladies!

In today’s day and age, power dressing is all about looking professional and modern without losing your personality. It could be as subtle as wearing the right perfume or carrying the right bag. Even though a nice pair of red heels and a fuchsia pink dress are fun to own, they are not the safest bet if you want to be taken seriously at work.

Here are 5 basic tips!

1. Invest in Blazers – As a professional woman, it’s not a bad idea to invest in a polished blazer. Black is a universal color that goes with most outfits, so look for a quality blazer that will last a long time. I personally own four blazers.

• Basic black blazer – My basic black blazer not only works for professional settings but I can pair it up with a cocktail dress and skinny pants on weekends. When it comes to buying a black blazer, versatility is key.

• Brown tweed blazer – A blazer like this particular one is a great alternative piece for my closet, especially when I am bored wearing the same blazer every day.

• Grey blazer – My grey blazer looks great on colorful spring and fall dresses. It definitely creates a nice balance to my overall outfit for work. It keeps the seriousness without losing my femininity.

• Black and white blazer My black and white blazer was an impulse buy. When I saw it for the first time at a store in Chicago, I thought “Old Hollywood.” It’s an item that has an easy sophistication feel to it.  Even though I might not wear my black and white blazer every day, it’s a piece that I won’t regret buying ten years down the road.

2. What does your bag say? A woman’s bag says a lot about the woman herself. When choosing a work bag, try to stay away from bold colors.  Look for a classic style that works for professional settings. Think Chanel, Fendi, Hermes, Louis Vuitton, Ralph Lauren or even Longchamp, if you can afford it. However, if you aren’t looking into spending a good amount of money on a work bag, always aim for basic colors like black, beige or brown. And, remember size is a key! Work bags shouldn’t be as big as a vacation tote.

3. What’s in your makeup bag? When was the last time you looked into your makeup bag and analyzed what really works for you and what doesn’t? A lot of women are so fixated on heavy makeup even at work that they forget the basic rules of makeup for work. An occasional red lipstick doesn’t hurt but remember to keep everything else subtle when sporting one.

4. Do you have the right shoes? Wearing the right shoes to work is important not only for safety reasons but also because it says a lot about the person wearing it.  If you work for a marketing/creative firm- you can experiment with your looks but if you work for a law firm, I’d suggest that you choose conventional pieces. However, a pair of black pumps never goes wrong. So, when in doubt- think black!

5. What about jewelry? Just because it blings doesn’t mean it‘s right for work. I don’t know if I would call myself, a “pearl lover” because I tend to love modern pieces. However, when it comes to work, I try to stay strategic and practical. Invest in pieces that are classy and elegant- something that wouldn’t look like you borrowed it from your 18 year-old-sister.

Remember, power dressing is all about making the right fashion choices with the right attitude.

Image of Hillary Clinton via

Welcome to my inaugural post for Brown Girl Magazine. My name is SriVani Ganti, I am a proud Brown Girl who loves to cook and share my love for food with the rest of the world. I have been cooking since about the age of 9 and came into my own the more my mother allowed me near the stove. Last year I started a food blog, posting recipes that I invented or pried out of my mother.

Here is my objective: to demystify cooking, make it accessible to all, and have people develop a true love for Indian cuisine.

I’m not a professional chef, nor do I pretend to be. I am a avid food lover who also loves to cook and share the joy of food with the rest of world. I thought for my first post I would put up something simple that is accessible to all of the Brown Girl Magazine readers.

I am South Indian so a lot of my recipes stem from my Telugu roots. These two dishes are something that I would often eat at home on a regular night. My older sister and I would love combining these two dishes, and eating ourselves into a food coma. Check out my recipes for Tomato Dal and Potato Hash Curry.

Tomato Dal

Ingredients

• 2 tomatoes, diced

• 4 cloves of garlic, roughly chopped

• ½ cup toor dal, cooked

• Salt to taste

• Pinch of turmeric powder

• Red chili powder (to your taste & spice level)

• ¼ tsp. amchur powder (or splash of lemon juice)

• Thadka (all done in 1/2 tbs.)

o ½ ts. Hing powder

o Mustard seeds

o Chana dal

o Udad dal

o Cumin seeds

o 2 dry red chilies, broken in half

Directions

Cooking Toor Dal

1. If you have a pressure cooker this is ideal, but if you don’t then there is nothing to worry about! If you’re cooking it in a pot, add the toor dal and then cover it with water. Place it on the stove and turn it onto medium high. The dal needs to cook until it is soft and mushy this can take about 20-30 minutes. Mix periodically and watch for it spilling over.

Cooking the Tomato Dal

1. In a pot and heat the oil on medium heat. The oil must be very hot (but don’t burn it please). Hold you flat palm above the oil to test how hot it feels. Once the oil is hot, add the hing powder and listen to it sizzle.

2. Then add a mustard seed to test and see how hot the oil is. You want to see the seed sizzle and then pop. Once it pops add a heavy pinch of the mustard seeds. Once many of them start to dance and pop, add a heavy pinch of the remaining thadka ingredients. Cook for 30 seconds.

3. Then add the garlic. Mix constantly and cook for another 30 seconds.

4. Add the tomatoes and cook them down until they form almost a sauce. This can take about 5-10 minutes.

5. Once the tomatoes are cooked, add the cooked toor dal. Then season with: salt, turmeric, red chili powder and amchur. Mix and let it simmer for 20 minutes, making sure to stir periodically.

Potato Hash Curry

Ingredients:

• 1 lb of small potatoes

• Pinch of hing powder

• Salt to taste

• Pinch of turmeric

• Red chili powder to your taste

• Cumin Seeds

Directions:

1. Slice the potatoes into thin, even rounds and set aside in water.

2. In a pan, heat oil. Once the oil is hot add the hing powder. After it sizzles, add the cumin seeds.

3. Then add the potatoes to the hot oil and mix; then season with salt, turmeric and the red chili powder. Mix periodically and cook until the potatoes are tender and crispy. This can take about 20-25 minutes, depending on how thick you cut the potato.

At home I would normally eat these two with hot fresh rice, but it can also go great with roti/chapatti. If you daring, you can even eat them on their own! Just add more water to the dal and it will be a hearty lentil soup that you can top with the potato hash.

Read SriVani’s food blog here!

[painting by Charuta Paresh]

I have news for y’all: gossip can be lethal. A lot of us have been affected by the grand epidemic of gossip in the South Asian community. However, it isn’t just annoying, it can seriously harm people. Gossip isn’t just over Chai; it’s over lives. After the loss of Tyler Clementi, many of us realized that this covert gossip culture and homophobia could teach people to become more overtly disrespectful.

So far, most of the queerphobia I have faced has been from people of color, mostly Indians. The first time I felt violated was when I was told by a desi friend in college that some of her girlfriends used to scour my facebook profile for evidence of lesbianism. For me, their underlying lesbophobia wasn’t scary or devastating. These particular girls did not have much significance in my life and I had already removed most Indians from my life after coming out in an effort to protect myself. I should mention that it mattered to me that my friend had actively told them what they were doing wasn’t nice. If you want to be an ally, take notes.

I was blessed to have a collection of understanding and accepting friends from high school (in England and the U.S.) and college who were outside of the stereotypical Indian community. While it was stressful, I didn’t really fall to pieces when I realized that the Indian community might not accept me, because they weren’t everything to me. It was stressful dealing with my mother but even that I got through because she was dealing with her fear of the Indian community more than her own queerphobia.

Fast forward four years and the same thing happened again, except this time it was an anonymous Indian from my U.S. hometown who had been scouring my facebook profile and sharing stories with others. The news of my queerness had apparently taken years to travel from college to home. This anon. told someone who told someone who asked one of my desi girlfriends if I was a lesbian. My friend, out of reflex, covered for me and said she didn’t think so. Although in my situation I didn’t need her to lie, I appreciated that her instinct was still to protect me. Again, if you want to be an ally to your friends, take notes.

These petty attempts of others to get into my life don’t bother or hurt me on a personal level. I definitely want some privacy from the general public and need to distance myself from my family in India, I also need to protect my parents from the Indian community in the U.S. that they are surrounded by. However, I am not particularly in the closet and have nothing major to fear that I am currently aware of.

When I told my Bangla didi-friend about these incidents she made it clear that she would defend me if she ever heard anything said rudely about me in our community. I have friends who have and will support me, but what about those that don’t have anyone? I worry that the feeling of privacy violation may be scarier for someone else than it was for me. I wasn’t in fear of my parents, but someone else may. It hurts me that what happened to me may not be trivial if it happens to someone else. I don’t want to lose another member of the queer community, or the desi family.

I’m speaking of the Indian community because that is where I have experienced it, but I know this happens everywhere. We all need to be careful before we gossip about topics as sensitive as a person’s sexual and gender identity. We need to understand that in our society, not everyone is safe. We could stand under the same apple tree as our neighbor but because they’re queer (or brown, black, woman, etc.) they are more likely to get hit by an apple. We must think before we put our neighbor’s business out there, because even if we don’t mean harm, someone else might… or our neighbor might think we meant more harm than we did.

I know I’m not perfect and most people gossip in some way, shape, or form. I need to follow this advice as much as anyone else. I suggest we keep focusing our efforts on being good friends and advocating for those in hostile social situations. Furthermore, it is always healthy to keep a holistic outlook on the world and human beings. If we do not know someone’s whole story (we rarely do) then we have little right in gossiping about them.

Didi’s Wardrobe, Brown Girl’s most recent sponsor, is an online marketplace for a variety of pre-owned Indian and Pakistani clothing, accessories, and jewelry.

Dina, a fellow smart, hip, beautiful Brown Girl, sits down with us to talk about her inspiration and business.

What was your background and what inspired you to start your business?

After I graduated from the University of Michigan, I decided to join the world of investment banking in New York City. I initially planned on working in the industry for only two years. Instead, I ended up working in banking for 10 years with a break in between to complete my MBA at Kellogg.  I definitely learned a lot from my banking years – especially how to work in a high stress environment where we were marketing our own business.  After 10 years, I decided it was time to take those skills to the next level and start my own business.  It wasn’t easy to step away from a secure job, but I realized that if I didn’t take the risk now, I probably will never do it later in life.

At the website we learned that this was a collaborative project with you and your co-founder. How long was this idea in motion before it came into being the website we see today?

Didi’s Wardrobe was an idea a friend and I had in 2001 when we lived in New York, but it was something we couldn’t take action on due to our demanding careers.  However, in 2009 we decided to start researching different business ideas in Indian fashion.  We initially decided to change our business plan to renting Indian clothes, but ended up coming back full circle to our original idea of the consignment concept.  We realized that there was a plethora of inventory out there already, so why not provide a way for individuals to share those beautiful saris and lehengas with each other across the U.S.  We began our process of building the website at the end of 2010 and launched on November 15, 2011.

The basic premise for Didi’s Wardrobe is to create an online marketplace that connects buyers and sellers of new and pre-owned Indian clothing, costume jewelry and accessories. For first timers, how does the site work?

That’s right, the site is developed for both individual buyers and sellers on the site. It’s really an ‘ebay’ for new and gently used South Asian wear.

Didi’s Wardrobe was created for people like you and me to sell our South Asian wear that we spent good money on and to find something new for that next event without breaking the bank.  It’s a great way to “share or borrow” clothes from your desi friends across the country.  Why spend $500 on a Lehenga that you will wear once. Instead, you can find something similar for $50-$100, wear it once and then resell it again on the site.

For buyers we created a very friendly user interface where you can search products by Women, Men, Children and Jewelry & Accessories.  Each of those categories is broken down further such as Lehengas, Saris and Salwars.  Buyers can then narrow down their search by size, price or condition rating. The site provides further detail with photos, descriptions, measurements and even reviews by other buyers of their products.

For sellers we are providing two methods to sell items.  Sellers can either post their items through our easy Post a Sale process or ship a box of their items to us through our We Post for Your process.  If sellers post on they own, they will upload their own photos, measurements and items details through our easy six-step process.  Once an item sells, they will receive notification to ship the item. We understand that many people are swamped between work, family and friends and just may not have the time to post, so we are happy to sell their stuff for them. All they have to do is fill out our contract online and ship us their items.  We take care of the rest.  

Can you tell us about the quality of the products that are sold on your site and the ease of selling/buying?

The items on our site range from brand new to gently used.  Any item that shows a five star rating is brand new and has never been worn.  Many of us end up overbuying during trips back to India or Pakistan, so we have a number of sellers that have posted brand new items on the site.  Most of the other items on the site are in fairly excellent condition because in most cases someone has worn something once or twice and doesn’t want to be seen in it again at the next wedding (since the photos are already posted on Facebook!).

The process to buy and sell on the site is quite easy.  Buyers can see fairly extensive details on each item and even have the option of sending a message to the seller if they have questions on sizing or colors.  Once a seller is ready to purchase, they are taken to our secure payment gateway, PayPal.  The seller is then notified of the sale and will be asked to mail the item within two business days.  Once the item has been delivered, Didi’s Wardrobe processes the payment. As I mentioned previously, the selling process is quite easy with our two different methods of Post A Sale or We Post for You.

What has been the biggest challenge for you and your co-founder? The best part?

Educating the consumer. It’s a new concept, so it takes time for people to fully realize all of the functionalities we have to offer.

The best part is the response we have gotten.  I have heard time and time again that it’s a concept we needed.  We’re very excited to help cater to the wedding season in the upcoming months as brides are looking for affordable and easy ways to dress their guests, family members and bridesmaids.

Any words of wisdom for young women hoping to start their own business in the future?

I was initially very hesitant to take the risk of starting my own business. I was scared of leaving that security, but many of my friends and family assured me that I created a strong foundation with my career if I ever need to go back to the corporate world.  I think that probably rings true for many women that are looking to start their own business – self-motivators and hard working individuals will always be able to land another job. At the end of the day, employers view entrepreneurs as highly motivated individuals with a broad skill set.  Follow that passion – if you don’t, somebody else will.

Learn more about Didi’s Wardrobe at their site and on facebook.

Sometime in November, I picked up Mindy Kaling’s new book, Is everyone hanging out without me (and other concerns).  I love Mindy Kaling and since she’s a Boston girl and a Brown Girl, I felt like it was almost my duty to pick up the book, if for nothing more than in an effort to support her.

I must say, I’m pretty glad I picked it up. The book, from start to finish, is hilarious. Mindy does an amazing job of painting a picture of growing up Indian in the United States while making sure that being Indian isn’t the defining quality. She talks about being chubby, a stubborn nerd, and a very un-athletic youth. She talks about her years at Dartmouth (as a cool kid), and then the struggles and triumphs she faced in the world of Hollywood. The book spoke to me in so many ways, because, well I was chubby, a stubborn nerd, and despite my desire to be an athlete, I was far from one (so, so, far from one).

Mindy talks about dating, best friends, the difference between a man and a boy, and most of all, how to be comfortable with yourself. Mindy paints an amazing picture of life we lead as Brown Girls here in the United States.

Now, you’re probably thinking, man is this book only for Indian girls between the ages of 17-35? No way man! I think this book, speaks to pretty much any young women and anyone who has a sense of humor. I can attest to this as when my husband picked up the book, he started laughing after page three. Seriously, he did.

In addition, I think this book makes a great present for any Indian parent who raising an ABCD or Asian-Indian American child. Why you ask? Well, as I said before Mindy, through laughter paints a really relatable picture of what its like growing up as an Asian-Indian American woman. For any parent, especially and Indian parent that perhaps grew up in India, its pretty helpful to have an idea of what the heck you kid might go through.

Also, it probably will give you several cool points if your child should be a young tween or teen.

Basically, I think Mindy’s book deserves rock start status. It’s funny, down to earth, relatable, and most of all doesn’t pretend to give you any advice. Mindy’s tone is, “Hey I did this, it might work for you. If not, cool, keep trying, you’re awesome.” Again, at least I like to think this is what she would say.

And so my friends, that is my review of the lovely Ms. Mindy Kaling’s book. Check out my story about how I met Mindy Kaling, and how she thought my outfit was cool!

Every year, I feel as though my attachment to India becomes increasingly stronger. Spending five months studying abroad in Ghana (hence my absence from BG) has forced me to think about my identity in ways that I never had previously.

At orientation, the students in my program and I asked about how Ghanaians see foreigners and if past students had ever talked about experiencing racism in Ghana. While I appreciate our program coordinators, they definitely took the easy way out of that question and simply answered that most Ghanaians “don’t really see race.” That was a meaningless answer.

A recurring topic of conversation between my friends and I was the word’ Obruni’ which literally means white person. Over time, however, it has come to be used to describe all foreigners. Ghanaians do not see the word as offensive. From their perspective, it is simply a means of distinguishing foreigners. They used that term on a regular basis in the markets, in the streets, on campus, and anywhere else I went. Some days it was humorous, and I took it lightly. When the woman who I purchased fruit from in the market everyday introduced me to someone as her ‘obruni friend’, I simply smiled and laughed. In my opinion, she used it endearingly. On other occasions, it really disturbed me. In America, an individual wouldn’t usually be called out for being a foreigner. If they were, it would be seen as highly offensive.

I believe that there is no particular aesthetic that defines Americans. By that, I mean there is not one skin color, eye color, hair texture, or physical trait that characterizes an American. Some people may counteract that white is still the majority, but the term white can encompass individuals with ancestry from anywhere in Europe. Therefore, even among white Americans, there isn’t necessarily one particular aesthetic.

 In Ghana, that is not the case. While there is diversity in Ghana, foreigners still stick out. Some days the attention really bothered me, and I was offended, hurt, or angered by always being called Obruni. Sometimes, the sheer existence of the word disturbed me. It is essentially saying that even if I learned native languages like Twi or Ewe, dressed like a Ghanaian, married a Ghanaian, lived in Ghana for ten years, cooked Ghanaian food, and did everything I possibly could to blend in, I would never be able to fully assimilate because of my appearance. I would still be called Obruni in the markets upon first glance, and I would still be charged “Obruni prices.”

Although it is used to describe all foreigners, I had some experiences where I was engaged in a conversation, and a Ghanaian would use the term Obruni interchangeably with white. I am not white, and while I am not offended by being called white, I have never identified as white. Based on my experiences and conversations, I felt like many Ghanaians that I interacted with had a tendency to dichotomize people. They used the umbrella terms black and white pretty liberally which I felt simplified and diminished the significance of the complex identities that I value very much. One day in a history lecture, our TA asked the class to define what a perfect woman should be. After gathering opinions from Ghanaian students, she came over to where a friend of mine from the study abroad program and I were sitting and asked to get a Caucasian perspective. She quickly corrected herself by asking about the American perspective after she realized that I am not white. However, most Ghanaians that I came in contact with seemed to classify me as white without realizing that I am not. 

I also had experiences where people asked me where I was from. After telling them I was American, they stared at me blankly, and I had to explain to them that my parents are from India. One time I proceeded to ask the group of Ghanaian students why they were so confused about me being American. They responded by stating that it was because I wasn’t white. Their response certainly initiated some chaos in my brain. Does that mean America = white, or is that just how people who haven’t really experienced diversity or been exposed to the States perceive the country? Does it mean that I can’t be American because I’m not white? I mean technically even if I lived in India, I wouldn’t quite fit in because I didn’t grow up there. Where exactly do I fit in then?

Race definitely played a larger role than I anticipated in my experiences in Ghana. When I shared my frustrations with my friends, they presented me with a new perspective. Although sometimes it could be irritating to be the first Indian person that a Ghanaian encountered, it could also be seen as an opportunity. In a sense, I was a cultural ambassador. I had the opportunity to correct any stereotypes or images that they had gotten from a Bollywood movie (which happened many a time) and present them with other ideas and information.

After receiving so many questions about India and Indian culture, my upbringing, and Hinduism, I have become much more curious about my background. Ever since I returned to the States a couple weeks ago, I have been reading as much as I can about India and Hinduism to answer the questions I may not have been able to answer in Ghana. Constantly being questioned about myself forced me to think about my beliefs and values and certainly helped me strengthen them. For that, I have to say Medaase Ghana. (Thank you in Twi).

Have you ever felt as if you were in a tug of war between two worlds?  Or even questioned traditions and customs that you at first grew to accept without really enquiring whether there is any validity behind them?  Maybe you worked your hardest to achieve something that you wanted only to be criticized and doubted?

If you answered ‘yes’ to any of these questions, then you will find yourself relating to Amrit Singh, the protagonist of Ocean of Pearls.  I am usually drawn to films that focus on the South Asian diaspora but are in English. Ocean of Pearls falls into this category and is now easily one of my favorite movies of all time. No matter if you are South Asian or not, you can easily find yourself relating to the situations that befall on Amrit in this movie.

The award winning film focuses on Amrit, a Sikh doctor from a very religious and traditional Sikh family. Amrit moves to Detroit to serve as the potential new face of an extremely promising organ transplant program.  Growing up in the Western world and then facing the dilemmas that his new job soon start to wear on Amrit. He begins to think that maybe the strict religious rules of his family may not be appropriate for the world that he lives in.  He encounters numerous racial obstacles in his path to success that hinder him from achieving what he hopes and attaining the recognition he deserves. After a while, Amrit decides that in order to accomplish anything the way he wants, he must take a drastic decision that his family and traditions condemn.

Amrit finds himself dealing with changes in every aspect of his life: his career, his family, his relationship, and most drastically, his values.  Ocean of Pearls explores the journey that Amrit takes to find himself when all he has known until now is confusion.

Ocean of Pearls is realistic and can appeal to a whole range of individuals, especially South Asians who often have to find a medium between adjusting to the way things are and the way their parents think things are.

You can check out the trailer below:

Ocean of Pearls is Directed by Sarab Singh Neelam

In Seema Aunty’s own words: “I was born and raised in Texas. After living out of state for a few years, I’m so happy to be home again in Houston, where I’m studying philosophy. My interests include collage, cinema, religious studies, feminist philosophy, reading, writing and or course giving advice. ”

Dear Seema Aunty,

I am gay and my parents say they are supportive of me. They say they don’t have a problem with my orientation, but it’s clear that they have a problem with my girlfriend. How do I deal with this situation? This is my first serious relationship, and I can’t tell whether they don’t like her because they don’t like the fact that I’m in a committed relationship with a woman or if they don’t like her just because they don’t like who she is as a person. Either way, it makes me really sad and uncomfortable. I don’t know how to talk about it with them.

Signed, R.S.

Dear beta,

I’m sorry to hear you’re having this issue with your parents. This must be terribly difficult for you and for your girlfriend. Now, I first want you to put yourself into your parents’ shoes. Yes, all four of their shoes! Imagine what their feelings might be about these circumstances.

You say that you can’t tell why it is that they don’t like your girlfriend. In my opinion, it doesn’t matter why. You know what you need to know, that is, that they are uncomfortable. Also, please don’t jump to conclusions. You may know your parents very well, but you don’t know conclusively what they think, which leads me to my point.

Beta, to know what they are thinking, you must ask them directly. I suggest you ask them how they feel about your orientation first. Perhaps this is where the actual discomfort lies. Start off by telling them that you love them and care about what they think and feel. Ideally this will open up the circumstances somewhat. Later on once you have an idea of what exactly is bothering them, you can get to the topic of your girlfriend.

The most important thing is to be honest. In order to get to the truth and to improve difficult circumstances, it is vital to untangle what is involved. It’s like untangling a telephone cord. Remember those, beta? In order to untangle this cord, you must find the beginning point of the problem. Once you have found that, you are on your way.

Sometimes our parents don’t know how to talk about relationships. (If your parents are anything like mine, they don’t want to talk about anything that personal. Ever.) If you can sit down and tell them the truth, they might be able to open up and use your behavior as a model. They might decide that since you are being so courageous, they should respond in kind. I wish you luck, my dear.

Have a question? Email us at staff@browngirlmagazine.com. All questioners will remain anonymous and directed to Seema Aunty.

It was early December. A Monday and I was frantically working on a presentation for the following day. I was defending my thesis (no big deal).

And then I received a text message from my friend, “Mindy is going to be at Brattle Street Theater, FYI”. Now I perhaps may not have normally paid attention to this text, especially since I had barely started my defense presentation, but this text really got me excited. Just the night before, I had been speaking with our wonderful editor, Aditi, about doing a review of Mindy Kaling’s new book. How rad would it be if I could get an interview with her to go along side this?

That’s when I swept into action. The event itself was completely sold out so I called the bookstore that was hosting the event. They kept me on hold for awhile and then, after telling them about Brown Girl Magazine and how we basically were Mindy’s demographic, I begged them to give me a press pass. Or at least a standing pass, something, anything.

To no avail. They were really sold out and the marketing rep for the bookstore was kind enough to tell me that, if I got there early enough perhaps I could get a standby ticket.

Standby I thought? Oh, I’ll for sure standby for this!

And so I went to the Brattle Street Theater. Computer in hand, outfit set, at exactly 3.23pm. Mindy was not sent to take stage until 6pm, and the doors would open around 5. I sat, in the cold, working on my presentation for two hours before other people began to gather for the show. I’m going to spare you the details of how cold it was in Boston, but safe to say, it was cold. At around 5.50pm, things were not looking good for me. Anyone who had a ticket for the show was going in and no one was going to give up that coveted spot.

Around 6.05pm, the marketing rep came to the standby line and informed us that there would be no standby tickets sold, since well, the event was more than at capacity.

Undeterred by this happening, I along with two other girls decided to wait it out. Maybe we could just get in to have Mindy sign our books I asked the marketing rep?

Probably not she said. Mindy was there with family and had to jet off after.

The three of us still waited. Clutching our books, holding pens, hoping to get a glimpse of Mindy as she left, begging her to sign out books.

It was now 7.15pm. Mindy was starting to sign books, and our friends via twitter were telling us that the line was long, really, really long. Our hearts were growing wary, perhaps they were actually freezing especially since I had been waiting for almost 4 hours at this point.

And then there was a light at the end of the tunnel. One of the mangers, taking pity on us cold, poor, unfortunate souls, ran upstairs to check on the line. She came down a few minutes later and ushered us in, letting us into the warmth that is, the Brattle Street Theater.

After waiting in line for another 35 minutes, we could see her. A beautifully decked out Mindy Kaling wearing some amazing Theory boots. We were inches away, and then it happened. It was my turn to have Mindy sign my books.

“HiIworkforBrownGirlMagazineandIwaited3hourstohaveyousignmybook.”-I said to Mindy has she signed two copies of her book.

“For real?” she said.

At this point I was actually shocked she responded. After all, this is Mindy Kaling. She directed Will Ferrell for god sake! I nodded my head My new friends and I timidly asked her if she would take a photo with the three of us, which she much obliged. It was there where she said these words, which will forever be engrained in my heart:

“I really like your dress.”

Yes, that’s right. Mindy Kaling liked my dress (which, incidentally was a kurta top I had picked up in India). After we snapped the photo, we said our goodbyes, but I couldn’t believe it. Mindy Kaling liked my outfit.

And that my fellow Brown Girls, is the story of how I met Mindy Kaling and she came to know about a little (awesome) thing called Brown Girl Magazine. I like to think she checks it all the time for our latest words of wisdom!

See my next article for a review of her book!

Picture copywrite, Smita Jacob (my new friend and fellow Brown Girl) via http://www.hoggerandco.com/.