I want I get on birth control for horrible cramps, but my mom thinks birth control is a huge, no-no. She still has an old-fashioned view of them and is worried it might turn me into a ‘promiscuous’ woman! Should I tell her I’m going to start the pill or start taking them behind her back?

–Confused

Dear Confused,

It depends on what is worse. Is it worse to bear the terrible cramps or is it worse to bear your mother’s reaction? Once you have decided which is worse, then you will know what to do. Which one causes you more discomfort and anguish? Let’s go through each scenario, shall we?

In case your cramps are worse than your mother’s wrath, go ahead and get the prescription.  There is a point in time when lying becomes ridiculous. Do you want to live your whole life lying to your parents? (If the answer is yes, Seema Aunty, I don’t mind lying to my parents. That is ok. I’ve been there.)

In my opinion, your mother eventually needs to realize that you are a person who makes her own decisions. She does not determine every move you make in your life. If this is the way it has been between the two of you, when you go against what she wants you to do, she is going to have an extreme reaction. You must be prepared to deal with that.

You might point out to your mother that simply taking birth control does not necessarily mean you will become promiscuous. You will be taking them because of a medical condition. Her conclusion stems from her fear. Perhaps you can talk to her about what scares her about birth control in relation to you and your life. Also, how does using birth control result in infertility? You can easily do a little research to refute this claim of hers.

On the other hand, perhaps your mother’s wrath is much worse than those measly cramps. If you live with her, this might be especially relevant. In this case, your biggest problem is not the issue of birth control. Your problem is the relationship you have with your mother.

A philosophy graduate of an esteemed  liberal arts college for women, Seema Aunty has dedicated her career thus far in promoting causes for young women and the South Asian community. With a strong knowledge base formed from her own experiences growing up in a South Asian household, Seema Aunty advises young women on a variety of topics, ranging from family, relationships, and culture.

In her own words: “I know it is hard to reconcile the idea of rugged individualism with conservative desi values. Growing up was difficult. It isn’t easy to find a place for oneself in this world when we hear mixed messages about who and how we are supposed to be. I hope that what I have learned from my own life might be of some interest to young women who are now coping with difficult issues.”

If you would like Seema Aunty to answer your burning questions, please feel free to write to her at seemaaunty@browngirlmagazine.com. All submissions will be kept confidential.

I’ll be honest, I’m a tough critic when it comes to dance. The word fusion and I have a rather strange relationship. When the words modern, jazz, contemporary, hip hop, or ballet are used in conjunction with Bollywood, Bharatnatyam, Kathak, or any other style of Indian dance, I naturally shift gears into the mindset of a dance critic. I sincerely appreciate any efforts to connect and intertwine movement vocabularies. It’s one of the most successful ways of generating innovative choreography and making cross cultural connections.

However, I do not appreciate an attempt to incorporate Bharatnatyam and ballet when both techniques have not been studied in depth. How can you truly understand the fundamentals, the history, and the artistry behind both when your only experience with Bharatnatyam comes from watching your friends’ Arangetrams or when your only training in ballet comes from Youtube videos and Black Swan?

Over the course of the past few weeks, I’ve learned of two Indian dance companies in America that employ a multidisciplinary approach to their work. They particularly drew my attention because there are numerous professional dance companies dedicated purely to classical Indian dance like Kathak and Bharatnatyam in America, but I had not been exposed to Indian dance companies that borrow from other techniques and disciplines.

Founded in 1996 by Ananya Chatterjea, Ananya Dance Theatre they are based in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Their work is rooted in the classical dance form known as Odissi. They fuse this vocabulary with movement qualities and characteristics acquired from yoga and Indian martial-arts like Chhau. Their works possess a feminine yet strong aesthetic and bring awareness to the social issues that women of color face. Their emotional intensity coupled with the types of narratives they use to guide the progression of their work enables them to create powerful, resonant works.

Dakshina/Daniel Phoenix Singh Dance Company fuses Indian dance forms with modern dance and creates works that I find extremely relatable. They reflect the ever-changing and multi-faceted identities of second generation South Asians. Founded in 2003 and based in Washington, DC, their ability to produce inventive choreography inspires the creation of thought provoking works that blend tradition and contemporary development.

If any of you BG readers have seen them perform, feel free to share your opinions! Make sure to check their websites and the websites for nearby theaters to find out when they’ll be performing near you!

Have you ever felt as if you were in a tug of war between two worlds?  Or even questioned traditions and customs that you at first grew to accept without really enquiring whether there is any validity behind them?  Maybe you worked your hardest to achieve something that you wanted only to be criticized and doubted?

If you answered ‘yes’ to any of these questions, then you will find yourself relating to Amrit Singh, the protagonist of Ocean of Pearls.  I am usually drawn to films that focus on the South Asian diaspora but are in English. Ocean of Pearls falls into this category and is now easily one of my favorite movies of all time. No matter if you are South Asian or not, you can easily find yourself relating to the situations that befall on Amrit in this movie.

The award winning film focuses on Amrit, a Sikh doctor from a very religious and traditional Sikh family. Amrit moves to Detroit to serve as the potential new face of an extremely promising organ transplant program.  Growing up in the Western world and then facing the dilemmas that his new job soon start to wear on Amrit. He begins to think that maybe the strict religious rules of his family may not be appropriate for the world that he lives in.  He encounters numerous racial obstacles in his path to success that hinder him from achieving what he hopes and attaining the recognition he deserves. After a while, Amrit decides that in order to accomplish anything the way he wants, he must take a drastic decision that his family and traditions condemn.

Amrit finds himself dealing with changes in every aspect of his life: his career, his family, his relationship, and most drastically, his values.  Ocean of Pearls explores the journey that Amrit takes to find himself when all he has known until now is confusion.

Ocean of Pearls is realistic and can appeal to a whole range of individuals, especially South Asians who often have to find a medium between adjusting to the way things are and the way their parents think things are.

You can check out the trailer below:

Ocean of Pearls is Directed by Sarab Singh Neelam

Show of hands of who has had their mendhi done before? Mendhi or Henna Parties are a part of the many festivities for South Asian weddings. Typically for the ladies side of the family (however that has since changed and the woman on the men’s side are now getting their ‘henna on’) it’s a great Indian tradition of painting your hands and having everyone and their dog asking if you have gotten married.

Don’t get me wrong, I love getting my mendhi done – for the first 2 days. But then it starts to where off and your hands look as if they have some sort of disease to them. Sadly if you are one of those brown girls that has a wedding every weekend, you will be attending weddings with faded henna – quite the ‘no-no’ for many in the community.

As fun as these events are, there are some common practices that I have found have become not so common. Here is a list of your top 5 things you should and shouldn’t do at a mendhi Party:

1.) THE BRIDE COMES FIRST! I started off simple. This is quite standard I would think all across the board. While everyone understands that the bride comes first, I can’t tell you how many times I have seen family members of the bride interject to ask questions about their mendhi. Sorry folks but let the mendhi artist and bride have their 2.5 hours in peace!

2.) YOU DON’T GET THE SAME TREATMENT AS THE BRIDE! Along the same lines as number 1 – just because you are out of commission for a little while doesn’t mean you get everything spoon fed to you as well. It’s the brides day – let her have her day – you however don’t have this day as well. That means a couple of things a.) Eat before you get your mendhi done. b.) don’t get both hands done at the same time. c.) grab your own lemon cotton swab and dab yourself princess!

3.) LET OTHERS HAVE A TURN BEFORE GETTING BOTH HANDS DONE! Let’s face it, every mendhi lady runs out sooner or later. Instead of being greedy, get your one hand done and if she has time afterwards, get the other done!

4.) LESS IS MORE! I am sure all you ladies are like me in the sense that when one of your friends gets married, they all want to get married. So in a wedding season you have numerous brides and I can’t count how many times upcoming brides will ask for trial runs at someone else’ wedding. WRONG – JUST WRONG!

5.) CLOSE FAMILY AFTER THE BRIDE! Let’s define close family for a minute here because I know that is a very blurred line within our community. Close family includes in order – mother and sisters (and direct sister – in-laws). Then you get into your aunts and their daughters – but first aunts – i.e. the brides mom’s sister and children. Also, on the list would be the out of towners. Then it’s a free for all. Know your place.

6.) BRING MONEY! This is definitely new to me, and I am guilty of not coming prepared. However our world is more and more budget conscience then it once was, and in an attempt to save money at these big weddings – sometimes the mendhi comes at a price. Typically $5 per hand or per side, so $10 should have you covered. If the event is paid for, please keep in mind that the bride does have to pay the same rate. So don’t go crazy and get both hands / both sides done.

7.) YOUR TIME WILL COME! Relax. I was at a wedding not too long ago, and sadly I was late to the mendhi party. I got off work late and communicated in advance my tardiness. I walked into the tent and said hello to the bride who was finished and sitting off to the side. I then went to say hello to my cousins and aunts who were getting their mendhi done as well. If looks could kill I would be 6 feet under the ground right now – for the looks that the ladies in the lineup for the mendhi were giving me were lethal. It’s a party – relax, have fun – it’s not ALL about the mendhi.

8.) Lastly – but not least – DON’T JUST GO TO THE MENDHI PARTY AND THE RECEPTION. I know those are considered the “fun parties” but if you were invited to the Menhdi party consider it an honor and attend the other events too. The Mayian the night before, the actual wedding, and then followed by the reception. Don’t pick and chose the events. Be there for the bride and attend all events even if you don’t want to. After all, it’s not about you.

This all may seem harsh, but I am sure I am not the only one that has experienced the above mentioned and many of you probably have much to add! If your one of the many that is guilty of the above – no problem. Just remember this list the next time you attend a party – and you will go far! Happy Henna Parties Ladies!

…If I don’t talk about this.

First off: I don’t really know who “they” are.  I’m really just referring to a general sense of paranoia (cause that’s basically how I roll).

Second  off: the “Indian-card” thing? Not real. (I want to prevent any messages coming to my inbox on this one from the beginning).  It’s kind of like the “V-card” or the “race-card” –  i.e. not a real card.

Third off: Because I’m really just wasting your time now, let me get to the point – Chanel’s Pre-Fall 2012 show was inspired/influenced by India.  Ya, I know.  There’s the show and the pre-show and the post-show and the show show – ugh.  Fashion is needlessly complicated to say the least.  Anyway, because I’m, you know, Indian, it just makes sense that I should be the high authority on this collection.

Additionally, I love it because I have a ton of Indian stuff and if this is going to turn into a full blown trend, I am going to have so much money to spend on other things.

Embellished pockets with classic French tailoring.  Yup.  Let’s get this party started.

There’s something about this collar that I love.  Plus the design is so minimally over-the-top.

Totally contradicted myself and I’m fine with it.

God! So clean! And that necklace – I’m an undecided fan of the tassel but this is just beautiful.

The thing about Indian clothing is that it can be, oh I don’t know, over the top.  But I love the cut on the skirt (I’m predicting a lot of this tulip, cut higher in the middle business – mark my words) because it adds volume while still being simple.  The white on white on white isn’t looking too bad either.

I.  Want.  That.  Scarf.  (in addition to the entire outfit).

Yeah.  I could wear this to work EVERY DAY.

This is probably one of the most Indian pieces I’ve seen in the collection and I love the metallic leggings (good for not just your Indian inspired clothing but for pairing with other pieces as well). Again, not over the top but this tunic has enough jazz to make you stand out.

I think it’s obvious I have a thing for the skirts that were featured.  Also whatever is going on with the necklace/neck area I EFFING LOVE.  I’m all about giant collar necklaces so I’m extremely happy right now.

Bloody hell.  Give me one in every color.  The draping, the detail, the all of it – just wow.

So Indian that I love it.  And I don’t know what was going on with the necklace/belt across her chest but let’s be honest, I would wear my necklace/belt that way if I could (I say that because while I may be fashionably risky, I’m not that fashionably risky).

Something that’s very very Indian and so clean and sharp at the same time.  I love the asymmetrical cut – again it adds volume and makes the whole look super interesting.

Um.  Can I have some of that, please?

If I haven’t mentioned that I’m a fan of menswear than shame on me.  If I haven’t mentioned I’m a fan of Indian menswear then may I be struck with lightening! As much as I love the glitz and glamour of woman’s Indian clothing, I love love love the comfort of the men’s.  This kurta-style ensemble, by far, is the thing I’d wear the most.

I love the Greek-Indian mix here.  So flowy, so light and yet so stunningly done.  I tip my invisible hat to you, Lagerfeld.

]]> http://browngirlmagazine.com/2011/12/pretty-sure-theyll-revoke-my-indian-card/feed/ 1 http://browngirlmagazine.com/2011/10/the-modern-bride/ http://browngirlmagazine.com/2011/10/the-modern-bride/#comments Mon, 03 Oct 2011 13:00:49 +0000 browngirlmag http://browngirlmagazine.com/?p=4203 by Megha Hamal

I love weddings, of all shapes and sizes, all colors and patterns. Weddings make me happy. And, South Asian weddings are definitely my favorite. Personally, there are various reasons why I love them, apart from just being a South Asian myself. Everything from the decors, the festivity, the colors, customizable well-crafted wedding garments, elaborate mehendi artwork, the preparation etc., make South Asian weddings not only unique, but they also symbolize cultural dynamics among multitude of diverse cultures from region to region. And, when I speak of details that go into making a South Asian wedding beautiful, let’s not forget about the bridal fashion/attires that complete these weddings. The kind of work that goes on into constructing these sophisticated bridal coutures we see in some South Asian weddings are beyond one’s comprehension. They are not only painstakingly beautiful but they also express a strong sense of femininity and aesthetics, which are symbols of artwork in themselves.

I have lot of favorite South Asian designers that specialize in bridal couture. However, if I were to hand pick one that embodies the personification of modern woman beautifully, I would have to put Fahad Hussayn at the top of my list. Hussayn was born in the industrial city of Faisalabad. He started designing at a young age. After receiving a bachelors degree in Textile Design from Beaconhouse National University, Lahore in 2007, Hussayn entered the world of bridal couture at an earlier age. Even though Hussayn’s specialty lies in traditional eastern bridal couture, you can tell by looking at some of his designs that he does not shy away from experimenting with contemporary and edgy styles. It is his attention to details along with great craftsmanship in creating whimsical pieces that merges the eastern and western inspiration in the form of beautifully garments that makes him a visionary.

In one of his interviews that I read online, he said, “my clothes are traditional and modern, and also focused on simple cuts. There is something for everybody.” Hussayn’s love for creating traditional clothes with a modern twist illustrates his versatility as a designer. His eclectic and diverse designs blended with a flamboyant color palette celebrates the eastern culture with a hint of surrealism, but also maintains very modern styles and silhouettes that not only appeals to women living in South Asia but rather to a global audience.

Even if you aren’t getting married anytime soon, a girl can dream! So, for all you modern brides-to-be, here are 5 fashion dos and don’ts you might want to consider when preparing for your wedding day:

Dos

1. Pick a color palette you like for your wedding colors and create customizable bridal attire for your wedding day. You don’t always have to stick to one color. There are many options out there. Have fun with it.

2. If you have a particular designer in mind for your bridal wear, that’s great. However, if you don’t- it’s completely fine because you can still seek inspiration from bridal designers and bridal magazines and create your own “affordable-version.” Add some personality to the attire you will end up picking. You can still look traditional and stunning by adding some personal style elements.

3. Add some accessories other than just bridal jewelries to your look. For example, add a small flower or hair pin as accents to your updos. Add your personal style element.

4. Hire a makeup artist for the big day. Give him/her ideas as to what your style is and do some trial runs, if possible.

5. Do wear that smile on your face on your wedding day. It’s the best accessory.

Don’ts

1. Research.Reserach.Reserach. Do your homework before hand before going out for shopping to look for your bridal attire. Don’t just go from one store to the other aimlessly. Have some ideas in mind. You will save a lot of hassle.

2. Don’t let others dictate you on getting bridal attire that fits “their taste” and not yours. Your mother and aunts can recommend you ideas but don’t let them run with it. It’s your wedding day not theirs.

3. In the hope of getting that perfect bridal look, don’t over-accesorize. The idea is to look stunning not gaudy.

4. Don’t do your own makeup unless you are very comfortable and confident about it. Your wedding pictures will stay with you forever, so make sure you get the right look for pictures.

5. Don’t over accessorize or overdo things just because it’s your wedding. The key is to look elegant and stunning.

 Top Right Image: Megha Hamal in her bridal outfit

Images: http://glamourhuntworld.blogspot.com/2011/02/fahad-hussayn-collection-at-bridal.html

Wheatish. Fair. Golden.

These terms used to stand for simply ways describe a perspective bride’s skin color. Today, they have come to stand for so much more. Wrought with these words is the stigma behind being dark and how it has become entrenched in our Indian society as the ideal.

When our parents left India with the hopes of a better future for their children, they brought with them several cultural values and ideologies. Bhayathanatram, Carnatic music, the need to become a doctor. There is another thing that our parents took with them, the notion of fair and lovely.

As good Indian girls, we all know the term.We all know the product well, whether we’ve used it, or had it given to us by a caring aunt or grandmother. We know what fair and lovely represents within our Indian society, a promise, a dark skin girl can too become beautiful, fair and lovely.

Having fair skin means better job opportunities, and it means a better matrimonial candidate. For us it means a bright and promising future. But where exactly did this stem from? This idea that, being fair and lovely, was the “in” to the “in” crowd. Some anthropologists will attribute it to colonialism, others will point out that the notion of fair can be traced back to our Vedas.

Could it be possible that the idea of fair has been with us so long?

As Indian girls, we’re well educated. We’ve aced our math tests, we know our physics, so don’t we know better that being fair has nothing to do with our status in society, but is simply a remnant of cultural ideologies?

What do we as Indian girls do? How do we challenge these notions of fair as lovely and ensure that our daughters never have to question going outside to play in the sun, for fear of becoming dark.

In this series of articles, I will take a look and challenge the ideas behind fair skin, how they have permeated our culture and how they have manifested themselves around the world.  We’ll take a look at how fair is no longer just for girls, but also for men and what that means on a much larger level.

Then, I’ll pose the questions to you, our brown girls, and ask the question: how can we break down this barrier, if at all?

The first article will take a look at the upcoming documentary, Dark Girls. Slated to open in the fall, the trailer for the documentary provides vignettes of women, beautiful women, talking about the struggle of being dark skinned within the African-American community. The stigma of being dark skinned, was something that this women were challenged with their entire life and did not come from some outside oppressive force. But rather, from their own family and friends. Each of the women talks about how their skin is a caveat to their beauty, and how they are beautiful in spite of their skin color.

But we all know that to be far from the truth. Because we are beautiful, beyond our skin color.

Now here is a challenge to us all, How many times have you said ‘she’s beautiful even though she’s dark skinned.’ Next time you catch yourself saying that, perhaps we should think twice and realize that our beauty does not lie in the color of our skin, but rather what is inside.

View the Trailer for Dark Girls

Visit the website for Dark Girls

Image from TLC Unpretty video from blackenterprise.com

by Komal Thakkar

I’m back for my last BG post from the United States until December! I’ll be studying abroad in Ghana this semester, but before I leave I had to gush a little bit about Clarice and Robert’s Bollywood performance on Wednesday July 20^th.

Once the So You Think You Can Dance competition was left with ten dancers, the couples were split up. Each of the top ten dancers was partnered with an all star. They brought back So You Think You Can Dance winners and crowd favorites from the past 7 seasons to partner up with a dancer competing for this year’s title. For the remainder of the competition, the dancers will have to adapt to working with a new all star and developing chemistry with each of them in just a few short hours. Not an easy task!

Robert Roldan, (I’m still bitter that he didn’t win last season) was brought back to dance with Clarice for a breathtaking Bollywood number that received a standing ovation from the judges and the studio audience. (Of course I was jumping up and down and clapping in my basement!)

They danced to “Aila re Aila” from the Khatta Meetha soundtrack. It was one of the fastest Bollywood dances I have ever seen. The simple story of cat and mouse, or girl and guy chasing and flirting with each other, allowed them to focus on mastering the choreography and gave them an opportunity to incorporate their own personalities and nuances.

Not only are they two of the most beautiful people I have ever seen, their smiles literally illuminate the stage.  From the start, it was high energy. Regardless of how fast their heart was pumping, they did not once lose character or let it be known that they probably wanted to pass out. It was a perfect fusion of classical Indian movements and jazz movements including leaps and turns. Unlike past seasons where many of the Bollywood dances consisted entirely of tricks taught in a competition jazz class, this piece allowed for movement inspired from Bhangra as well as simplistic movements from a celebratory and joyous Bollywood movie. They teased each other and fully committed to their characters, but it wasn’t over the top.

Clarice looked absolutely gorgeous with her brightly colored gold, green, and orange skirt and midriff bearing top. Her jewelry was absolutely beautiful. Although, she was wearing bright gold leggings so I can only hope they bought her a new pair or washed them after Iveta wore them at the beginning of the season. Robert quite literally danced his jewelry right off by the end of the number but worked his sparkling purple pants and gorgeous body paint. I’m not sure even our favorite Bollywood star could sport the purple, blue, and silver body paint.

I can’t say the kiss in the middle was quite necessary, but other than that I absolutely loved every second. It was definitely the perfect number to highlight how talented Clarice is as a dancer and how she quite literally puts a smile on everyone’s face.

I give this one a 10 out of 10!

To watch the dance in full: http://www.fox.com/dance/videos/1069336553001/clarice-robert-top-10?sortby=date

by Komal Thakkar -

Every Thursday night is the dreaded So You Think You Can Dance results show which begins with a group routine with all of the dancers. On Thursday, July 7^th, the top 14 dancers of Season 8 performed an INCREDIBLE Bollywood routine choreographed by… yes you guessed it, Nakul Dev Mahajan.

While I recognize that Nakul Dev Mahajan and the judges, producers, and costume designers of So You Think You Can Dance do not view my Critic’s Corner posts, it literally seems like they read my last blog regarding Iveta and Nick’s performance and then proceeded to address all of the negatives I pointed out.

I admit that I am unusually critical of the Bollywood routines presented on this show since it is unfortunately one of the few media outlets where Bollywood dance is showcased to the American public. Mahajan has a tough job as he has to educate Americans about Bollywood and its cultural significance in the ten minutes he is allotted on the show. However, this week every element of production came together seamlessly to produce a beautiful performance.

The piece was choreographed to Kata Kata from the Raavan soundtrack. It went from a high energy, masculine introduction by the top 7 boys with movement that was heavily influenced by Bhangra and incredibly difficult (and by difficult I mean my quads hurt just watching them) into a sensual, feminine, yet equally energetic section danced by the 7 girls. Of course you can’t teach Bharatnatyam in a few short hours of rehearsal time, but the fundamentals were incorporated very well and executed remarkably. One of the most powerful aspects of Bollywood is the use of repetition and unison movement. Many times the simplest of gestures can be done multiple times by a large group of people and create a beautiful and memorable image for the viewer. A unison section was followed by a short partnering section which also remained true to Bollywood character. It was cute and flirty and incorporated the right amount of interaction between guy and girl. They created a series of expansive spatial patterns which were definitely influenced by Garba and Raas before hitting a sharp and dramatic concluding pose with Caitlyn resting on Ricky’s shoulder.

One small criticism: their hands and arms could be much stronger and clearer especially since it’s the last image that audience members and viewers are left with. Overall, this was the perfect blend of personality, energy, sensuality, strength, and fun that is distinctive of the Bollywood dances people all over the world have appreciated for years. The top 14 dancers truly looked like they had the time of their life learning and performing this incredibly detailed and demanding choreography.  I don’t think Mahajan consciously attempted to fuse so many movements from Bhangra, Garba, Bharatanatyam and Jazz, and because of this he was able to produce one of his best works on the show to date. He allowed himself to synthesize his training and experience in a multitude of styles and just created naturally, thereby producing a comprehensive work he should be very proud of.

I took off points for Nick’s costume two weeks ago, but this week the costumes were just right. The guys really looked like Bollywood heroes in colorful pants and open vests. I’m so glad they got rid of the arm bands and headband they tied up poor Nick with and allowed simple costumes to capture and accentuate their power and masculinity. The girls looked absolutely beautiful. No more Cleopatra! Someone must have shown the costume department how to conduct better research before producing apparel. The girls’ brightly colored cholis and glimmering jewelry illuminated all the different skin colors on that stage. I wish they had left the intricate floor patterns created by various lighting instruments on the floor for the entirety of the piece instead of just the beginning. Warm lighting through the entire piece would have been appreciated as well rather than flashing between a series of colors dangerous to anyone with epilepsy.

Between the dancing, the choreography, and the costumes, I could not have asked for a better Bollywood group routine to start the show. I give this performance 10 out of 10!

To watch the video (see Group Performance: Top 14): http://www.fox.com/dance/videos/

Last week, I was at my dentist’s office getting my regular teeth cleaning. As I was getting ready to leave, my dentist asked me, “Have you ever thought about using Invisalign braces for your teeth? You know, it will make your teeth look perfect.” It wasn’t so much the idea of wearing braces that bothered me; it was his idea of perfection that made me think: What’s wrong with my teeth now? What is perfect? Is it the society that breeds this idea of what perfection is? Or is the media partially at fault?

Growing up as a teenager in Kathmandu, Nepal, I wasn’t quite exposed to this concept of perfection.  My father always urged me to be a woman of my own rather than fall under cultural and peer pressure. As I look back, I am glad that my parents’ teachings helped me to become the person I am today. As a teenager, I could have easily given up to those pressures had I not had a strong family foundation.

Today, we are bombarded with advertisements surrounding beauty and body image. Sometimes we don’t quite realize that these images that the media constantly portrays as “flawless” are usually manufactured, reimaged and retouched to give us the illusion that the idea of perfection is attainable and achievable. Although the notion of perfection vary from society to society, there is no denying that peoples’ struggle to achieve perfection have altered their perceptions of what “real”  beauty is.

As a result of this growing pressure from media, young women are trying to achieve this unrealistic mold through starvation, diet pills and other unhealthy practices. It seems like there is a quick- fix for everything and everyone. And, at times it is even encouraged to seek surgical procedures and enhancement as solutions to develop self-confidence among young women. Even though I am sure people would disagree with me, I have always lived by this quote from Carmen Urdaneta, “Beauty is a state of mind: if you feel beautiful, you project that and you look beautiful.”

So, is it wrong to change? Is change even bad after all? I guess it really depends what change we are talking about. Yes, it is okay to reinvent yourself by making a positive change in appearance—perhaps getting a new haircut, trying out a new bold red lipstick, wearing a dress that you normally don’t, or even sporting those stiletto heels that have been sitting in your closet since you bought them.

Whatever the change you might be looking for- I strongly believe that the change certainly should not stem from insecurity to meet societal expectations. Striving to better yourself is healthy but striving to change for others or conforming to what others think is acceptable isn’t.  And I have noticed that when you accept yourself wholeheartedly, even your flaws start to look beautiful. For my dentist, my teeth might not be perfect. But for me, they are who I am and they give me character.

I remember reading a line in a book recently that read, “Perfection exists in the face of flaws.” This line really struck me. So maybe next time, when you look at yourself in the mirror, embrace the good and the bad. In other words: It’s okay to be perfectly imperfect.