I am definitely not a writer, but for some reason, I decided to write this poem for Writing from the Soul, a monthly writing group for budding creative writers who want to build their skills within a community of others. The group was created by Dr. Geeta Ludhrais, as part of Dadima’s CIC.
I think the current pandemic changed my feelings towards many things and put my life into perspective. With the added pressure and uncertainty, I think it was important to share the high’s and low’s. “Lock Down 40” shows how I feel in celebrating a milestone birthday in lockdown. After it was originally published in Writing from the Soul, many people reached out to me and related to my experiences. I am glad I put pen to paper and was able to connect with others in spite of lockdown.
Lock Down 40
Wait…I’m not ready! My brain is saturated with the never-ending to-do list.
When said out loud, I sound so ungrateful. I can count my achievements on both hands.
Why am I feeling an emptiness, a sense of guilt, a constant sense of guilt. I can feel the knot pulling in my stomach for something. So what is it?
The pressure I have put on myself, my expectations have been shifted. The pressure has heightened during this lockdown, I’m reflecting more critically on myself. Working through my achievement versus aspiration list.
I have not yet found my desired career and a kick-ass job.
This lockdown has taught me to be kinder to myself, the crisis gives me space to plan.
Learn to believe my daily gratitudes, learn to celebrate ME, and the little wins by a daily high five here and there–it will help to reduce that self-imposed anxiety.
Maybe this lockdown birthday has a silver lining. Note to self: My birthday isn’t canceled, it’s just been postponed.