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They All Tell Me That I am Crazy

3 min read

by Harshita GaneshFollow @harshikapoor17

“You are crazy.”

No, I am not. I’m just scared that I will lose the people I care about the most. I’m just terrified that the people who I need the most right now will turn their backs because I am too much work.

“You are crazy.”

No, I am not. I’m just terrified that I will turn out to be a failure. I’m so nervous that all of my hard work will do nothing for me, and that I will be unsuccessful at everything. I reach for superiority, but unfortunately, I fall at mediocrity.

Then I get anxious. I get scared…and because of that, I can’t focus. What if I disappoint my family and am not successful?

[Read Related: I’m Not Sad, Lazy or Non-Religious: How to Identify Signs of Depression]

“You are crazy.”

Maybe I am crazy.

It is stupid of me to worry about something that isn’t in my control. It is unnecessary for me to be upset about losing people who clearly care about my well being. Voices keep telling me that I will never be good enough to become anything. Slowly, they strangle and suck every ounce of motivation I muster up.

“You are crazy.”

Yes, I am crazy. I am crazy and I can’t be helped. I’m meant to suffocate in my own mind and drown in my own thoughts. My life is just meant to be a sad tale of: “Look how well she did in high school, and now?” All I am meant to do is wander aimlessly, having achieved the unachieved.

The real truth is, no, I am not crazy.

No, I am not insane. And no, it’s not all in my head. It’s something I can’t help. But it is something I can get help for. Calling someone crazy who has anxiety only reinforces their fear that they really are crazy and will never be normal.

[Read Related: Despite My Anxiety and Depression, I Guess I’m Okay]

Anxiety is already something very painful to deal with and telling them that they are “crazy” only backs them further into a corner from which they feel like they will never escape. Since I was young, I have always been a ball of anxiety and stress. Though it never manifested fully until I was sixteen, it was always very hard and detrimental to my self-worth when someone who I cared about would say I was crazy instead of helping me cope.

In our South Asian communities, anxiety is still considered to be an issue that is “in your head” and is equivalent to crazy. We still believe in breathing exercises and yoga, that anxiety will be treated on its own, but that isn’t true. Yes, of course, yoga and breathing exercises can help, but they are only temporary solutions. It is really necessary that our communities open up our minds and start accepting therapy and medication as proper aids, that they stop stigmatizing something that is only meant to aid our wellness.

May is Mental Health Awareness Month. If you have a personal story you would like to share, please email us at Staff@0mq.349.myftpupload.com with your submission.

Harshita Ganesh is a South Indian-Bollywood enthusiast; a princess who is here to fight patriarchy; a dancer; a pianist; and an explorer. Her main love is writing scripts on topics regarding empowerment and hopes to one day have one of her films made. She is currently an undergraduate engineering student in Europe and hopes to get a law degree soon after.