by Vaidehi Gajjar – Follow @vgajjar95

For some reason, notions of mental health and mental illness have always been hushed by a hand-over-the-mouth or a finger-to-the-lips. Mental health, mental illness, mental anything has always been attempted to be scrubbed away, as one big stain on your fancy carpet in your fancy living room. MannMukti is an organization that stops people from regarding mental health as a stain requiring riddance. MannMukti helps those with mental health issues and questions to find the help that they need without the stigma of society breathing down their necks, as well as helping those without mental health concerns to understand their friends in need.

Needless to say, talking about mental health in the South Asian community is very difficult, simply because of the mindset of the society in which we live. We live in a society where mental illness is equated with weakness by far too many. Where too many stay silent until it’s too late. But where do we draw the line? When do we put our mouths and our actions in the same place? MannMukti and I say the time is now. So what has MannMukti done to put their mouths and actions together?

[Read Related: MannMukti: New Website for South Asians Struggling with Mental Health Issues]

In order to talk about the surrounding stigma openly and without boundaries, MannMukti created a podcast series entitled, “Stories of Stigma: South Asian Mental Health,” in which the team features a different South Asian guest each episode who shares their personal story surrounding mental health. I think it’s very important to realize the effect that the podcast series has on society. As I said before, mental health is something that many people don’t think is something worth talking about, but rather something to hide. But I think through these podcasts, MannMukti is able to show people that mental health, in reality, is okay and necessary to discuss. In addition, many people also regard mental illness and mental health as fictitious excuses for the emotionally weak. The MannMukti podcast combats this by talking to real people who have immense insight on what they speak of; they talk to people with real experiences on the subject at hand. I see this effect to be positive on many people who may be too scared to speak about their own struggles, as they are able to understand that ill-mental health doesn’t make them any less than anyone else. The struggle is shared and normal.

In episode 2, Abhijith Ravinutala and Buddy Tangellamudi sit down with Salma Vir-Banks, a graduate of the University of California Berkeley, who now pursues a career as an artist. Salma explores many things through her art, including her own struggles related to mental health.

Salma begins by telling her story on how her struggle with mental health began. She talks about how it all started when she was a teenager, about 13-years-old. Her first experience with mental illness began with an eating disorder. Salma said she started out as a comfort eater, to cope with the abuse and dysfunction she dealt with through her father. She began gaining weight and other kids began picking on her. Middle school-aged Salma then thought that the best option to escape the insults of other children was to binge and purge, as well as starve herself. Along with her eating disorder issues, she also began self-harming. Stuck in a whirlwind of thoughts, Salma didn’t know what to think about who she was or what was happening to her. She was a high-achieving student in school but was internally fighting so much unspoken trauma. She braved through depression and obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), but still finished high school like the trooper she was.

In college, Salma was also involved in abusive relationships that further troubled her – she was away from home and still dealing with her eating disorder. While Salma wanted so badly to be a part of the groups she saw around her in college (specifically groups related to feminism and strong women of color, etc.), the urge to hurt herself didn’t magically disappear. Salma acknowledges that she was being one person around these groups, but another when she kept going back to the abusive relationship, while still fighting her eating disorder. She said that she felt like the values she had didn’t match her actions. All in all, Salma lost herself in the crowd that was the world. She felt like she didn’t belong to such groups because of the thoughts and feelings she was experiencing.

[Read Related: It’s No Secret: Social Anxiety in South Asian University Communities is Real]

I think Salma makes a very good point when she talks about how there was a discord between the groups she was participating in and the internal conflict that she experienced away from those groups. She talked about how she didn’t feel entitled to be part of those groups, as well as how she didn’t belong because she was struggling with so much. And she makes one very important observation. She said that being a part of these groups and fighting her own inner demons didn’t mean that she had to be perfect. She could be flawed and STILL be a strong woman of color or a strong feminist.

Salma continued to be a warrior, but her drug and alcohol abuse landed her in psychiatric care many times in the Bay Area, as well as in trouble with law enforcement. She didn’t realize that what she was doing wasn’t normal or healthy, and she just saw herself as an overall bad person. She would see her friends succeeding in school and in their personal lives. The constant thought that would play in her head,

“I’m the problem here; I’m what is wrong.”

Salma’s parents soon rescued her from Berkeley and she returned to Los Angeles to be sent back to the same woman who treated her eating disorder in high school. Taking baby steps, Salma combatted all her demons, getting treatment for her bulimia and her drug addiction.

Salma’s story is not only compelling and brave, but also truly honest. Too often in life, we try to sugarcoat our bad moments and downplay them as much as we can. But, through this episode, I heard from a strong woman who didn’t try to cover up her bad moments and act like they were no big deal. In fact, I think Salma emphasized her most terrible moments for the audience to hear and know about. And I think that, in itself, takes a great amount of courage. I think that is a very important aspect of mental health. While it is important to look for positives in a sea of negatives, the negatives need to be recognized so that there can be more positives than negatives. Salma’s ability to stand up and say, “Yes, I have had a difficult journey,” serves as an example to those who are secretly struggling. Her honesty lets people know that their similar struggles aren’t fictitious. They’re not being over dramatic, emotionally weak, or stupid. Her honesty lets people know that being flawed is okay and speaking up is even more so okay.

[Read Related: Mental Health on College Campuses: It’s a Luxury and Not a Right to be Okay]

Our society has trained us to be afraid of the words “mental illness,” causing us to run from the truth that mental illness does indeed exist and only furthering our problems. Salma said that calling mental illness what it is, and recognizing what it does, is one of the first things that needs to be done on the path to eradicating it. And I agree with her. There is no way you can get rid of something without acknowledging that it exists. We need to stop being scared of strong words, ones that bring to light the messy parts of a person. Salma actually compares it to looking through a Facebook

We need to stop being scared of strong words, ones that bring to light the messy parts of a person. Salma actually compares the process to looking through a Facebook feed and seeing post after post that is happy and negativity-free. That’s not reality. She says she wants to see where people struggle, where people fall. And this is the attitude we so desperately need in today’s world – one that, eventually, isn’t afraid to say “mental illness” and take steps to eradicate it. Salma further points out that saying it humanizes it – ensuring that mental illness isn’t just reduced to a monetary experience or gain in which an individual becomes another file number or statistic.

Salma’s candidness in this interview is something we need so much more of in today’s world and society. Her fearlessness shows that, despite a very difficult journey, it is possible to bounce back. Healing is possible, but only if we speak up and make others aware that it is okay to speak up.

So go ahead. What are you waiting for? The time to #SpeakUp is NOW.

To learn more about MannMukti, check out their website here and their podcast episodes on SoundCloud. Get to know Salma and her work via her website and donate to her GoFundMe page to support her cause.

Vaidehi Gajjar is a college student currently studying biology at the University of South Carolina. She is another brown girl dreaming, exploring, and writing her way through life. She doesn’t do it for the fame, but for the freedom. Follow her down this road called life and join the adventure! 

By Brown Girl Magazine

Brown Girl Magazine was created by and for South Asian womxn who believe in the power of storytelling as a … Read more ›

In her new book “Dear Durga,” author and life coach Shanita “Shani” Liu takes a different approach to self-help. Liu guides readers by providing a courageous framework. She writes to the Hindu goddess Durga Ma, who is a symbol of courage to Liu. Durga Ma represents power and protection in Hinduism.

Liu ties together the personal. She shares her experiences in witnessing fear-based patterns from her own Guyanese family and culture and noticing them in herself as a mother while proving coping strategies as a life coach. In this candid conversation, Liu explores the journeys of motherhood, writing, overcoming fear and leading future generations by example.

Where did the idea for this book come from? 

It came from a diary entry I wrote in 2018 or 2019. I wrote that I was going to write a book called “Dear Durga.” I created a folder on my computer and it said “Dear Durga Book” and it was almost like I was setting the intention. I didn’t know what it was going to be about, but I did know that Durga and writing to her was an important part of my journey. And so I just had this intuitive feeling that I was going to be able to share this story one day.

 

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How did you decide what the book would be about? 

In 2021, we were going through the pandemic, I just had my third child, and Durga was very much like, ‘okay, now you’re going to go write your book.’ And I was like, ‘Wait, what? I’m sorry. I’m, like, trying to navigate motherhood again and my business and everything else that was going on.’ And she was like, ‘no, you’re going to participate in this writer’s workshop. You’re going to learn how to write a book proposal. You’re going to enter it into this contest. You’re going to win the contest, and you’re going to write a book.’ And I thought she was nuts. And all of my fears started coming up – who am I to do this, I can’t do this, I’m not enough, what am I writing about? 

I had to muster up the courage to write this book. And so Durga was a catalyst for me to call on my courage and say, ‘it’s time.’ This moment made me realize what I’ve been doing professionally for the last seven years is walking folks through my framework to help them activate their courage. So even though I was terrified, I realized this book can take the personal and the professional pieces of this puzzle and really put it all in one place. 

When you say that Durga was your driving force for action, do you mean spiritually and religiously, or something else?

For everything, yes—emotionally, spiritually. In 2015, when I was falling apart and embarking on these major life changes in my life, she came through. It was the catalyst for me to say, “I have to start breaking myself out of these fear-based mindsets and really start entering these new phases of my life with courage and disrupting old patterns.” 

[Read Related: Fireside Chat With Debut Author Sophie Jai]

Describe the writing process for this book. How did you find that courage to move past your fears?

Definitely writing to Durga. Knowing that the book was going to be about this journey of me connecting with my courage, I had to accept the challenge. I’m a writer by training. I’ve been writing my whole life. I was an English major, so I knew I could write, but I had to sit down and excavate six years of my life. I had to go into my journals from 2015 up until when I started writing the book at the end of 2021.

 It was wild to re-experience myself going through these various obstacles, these discouragements, these discomforts and then find the strength through this courageous energy I had within me, to take these small steps and overcome each obstacle. The excavation of my own life was an interesting part of the process for me to get clear on the themes based on what I remembered. 

The writing process was very spiritually and emotionally transformative because I’ve been doing all this work with my own courage that I sort of had to channel it with my own creativity to write and to marry what I had been doing professionally and what I had been going through personally. So, once I formed the book proposal, the blueprint for what I was writing, and submitted it to the Hay House contest, I then learned I won the runner up prize, I was able to write the manuscript pretty quickly. At that point, I was like, ‘okay, I know what I’m writing about now. I know I have the courage to do it.’ Durga was right, after all. 

Walk us through the four steps for somebody who is just hearing about this and is interested in your way of approaching courage. 

I have a Courage Kit framework, and I’ve had to walk my talk through it, but I’ve used it with hundreds of clients. It’s a four-phase process to support you with activating your courage and keeping it alive. The first phase is activating your courage and calling it in, identifying your courage metaphor, how to access that energy and how to commune with it and build a relationship with it. The second phase is about aligning with your needs because, as mothers and women, we don’t ask ourselves what we need due to this societal expectation and cultural conditioning. That’s an important part of emerging victorious. Victory is important because it means to attain fulfillment. Being victorious means having the courage to honor yourself so that you can be victorious, whatever that is like for you. The third phase is alleviating stressors so you can feel your best. Then the fourth phase is taking action so you can start making baby steps towards your goals. 

How was this journey impacted by being Indo Caribbean? What role did your culture play in this? 

The role that my culture plays is huge. In the book, I talk about the legacies of sacrifice that I come from because of indentureship. I’m three generations removed from that history of colonizers exploiting indentured laborers. When you come from these legacies of sacrifice, fear-based mindsets and behaviors accompany it. When I was acting from a place of martyrdom and sacrificing my own needs, I realized I learned that from the women who came before me, who learned it from the women before them. 

When you zoom out you realize this has happened across cultures. Why are women in our culture asked not to use our voices? Why are people telling us to shut up, play small and don’t cause trouble? Our voices have been collectively suppressed, and over the last few decades, we’ve been liberating ourselves. We’re going to honor all parts of ourselves and express ourselves as we need to, and we need courage to do that.

Why dedicate the book to your younger self?

I had to dedicate this book to my Little Shanny because her voice was suppressed, and due to cultural and societal expectations, she wasn’t allowed to be her fullest self. She’s very lively and creative. In the book, she is writing and we make rap songs and other things to call on our creativity. This book is an honoring. As I was honoring all parts of myself and healing my own emotional wounds, I was liberating her at the same time.

How would you describe your relationship with Durga Ma? How can others who are not Hindu achieve that sort of relationship with their metaphoric courage figure? 

Regarding Durga and myself, I don’t say, ‘I got this courage metaphor, now help me.’ You have to build a relationship with it. In the last eight years, I’ve been able to build a solid relationship with her where my courage is almost automatic. If I feel or think about fear, my automatic courage alert starts going off. The stronger connection I build to her, the stronger our relationship becomes, and the more self aware I become about making courageous choices. 

But, in the introduction of the book, I clarify that folks can use the Durga archetype or work with Durga whether they are Hindu or not. It doesn’t matter what walk of life you come from because she embodies victory over evil, maternal protection and an unapologetic courage that we need for fulfillment. So I encourage folks to connect with her because people who are meant to resonate with it will resonate with it and if Durga doesn’t resonate with you, you understand you have this courageous wisdom inside you. If telling my story about the way it looks for Durga and I, inspires somebody to ponder a relationship like that, that’s great! In the end, I just want folks to walk away feeling comforted and equipped with tools to be their most courageous selves.

 

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How do you take this idea, this archetype, and apply it to yourself or anybody? 

We’re human beings and I think sometimes we just need something visual or tangible to hold on to. Sometimes I need an idea or person to help ground what’s coming up for me, so the metaphor is really helpful because I can visualize and interact with it.

 The metaphor offers information because when you’re scared and fear is clouding your judgment, it’s easy to default to doubt. Your courage metaphor offers information, encouragement or directions – targeted guidance. As long as you connect, communicate with and build a relationship with it, it will help you. That’s why I use “Dear Durga,” channeled writing, as a common thread throughout the book, it’s one modality that works. If this modality doesn’t work for you, then try interacting with it differently. But at the end of the day, regardless what modality you find, you can leverage that metaphor’s information to inform your next step.

How did motherhood and becoming a mother play a role in writing this book and also your career as a life coach? 

I started life coaching when I became a mother. I was pregnant while I was in my Life Coaching Certification Program, and Durga Ma showed up just a few months before I found out I was pregnant. I think she knew I was going into the next phase of my life, and I couldn’t continue on my own anymore. So motherhood was a huge act of courage for me. I left a toxic job so I could embark on motherhood and begin making professional choices that would support me once I became a mom. 

The beautiful thing about motherhood is that you become a different person – you change. Your ability to care, give, create and grow changes. Motherhood informed the work that I did with other women in their mind, body, spirit wellness and it forced me to focus on my own wellness. Also, Durga Ma just happens to be this maternal archetype, so maternal protection and nurturing felt important to my process as I was healing wounds. This is a powerful energy that can support other moms because we need support. We’re caring for little human beings and, as it is, most moms are under-resourced. Courage is a resource that doesn’t cost any money, that can help with life’s challenges.

 

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Did you have to endure little battles with people around you to gain support for the kind of work that you do? 

I don’t think anyone around me discouraged me. The battle was within myself and having the courage to say, ‘I’m this life coach who’s going to focus on courage.’ I had to get over my own impostor syndrome, self doubt and fears that were weighing me down about coaching with this mindset among many other coaches. When I started, I was focusing so much on self care, but then I realized it’s so hard for women to self care because we have a fear of doing it. Everything goes back to fear. That’s why I realized the root of all of this is coming back to our courage. 

As an Indo Caribbean mother, there can be a lot of expectations. Did the courage framework also help with that? 

Absolutely. Most moms are givers, especially those of Indo Caribbean heritage. We saw our moms constantly sacrificing everything so we can have high-quality lives. But this trajectory of motherhood and bringing my courage in through my own framework forced me to ask for help, set boundaries and put my needs first. Obviously we put our children first, we’re always protecting them. But I began to honor myself. To realize I can honor myself and my needs while managing motherhood felt really important. But that doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time to do that because we’re breaking out of old patterns from our family’s example. This is why, in ‘Dear Durga’ I tell a lot of stories about my grandmother, because she was a major influence in what I thought motherhood should look like. 

Can this in turn create a healthier experience for the child?

Absolutely. You’re a demonstration to your children. Your children do not do what you say, they do what you do. I have daughters and a son, and I don’t want my daughters growing up thinking that when they get married or have kids and start a family, they have to clean the house all the time and never experience joy. I want them to see that Mommy can experience joy and fun and she can work, and she can do these things. It may not look perfect, but they can see that I can do all of these things without it costing my mental health and sanity. 

Do you have a favorite story that you use in this book for reference?

It’s not my favorite, but the story about my grandmother’s death and the shock that my family and I felt stands out the most. She was the matriarch and anchor to our maternal line. So, when she passed away, it created chaos. As a little girl, it wasn’t until she passed away that I questioned: ‘Who was she? What was her life like?’ It allowed me to see what my grandmother was like outside of being a grandmother. When the funeral happened, I heard stories about how she sacrificed, whether it was for her education or her family. It gave me perspective on everything that went into my family coming to the U.S. But it also made me think, now that I have the privilege and the opportunity to change things, am I going to take advantage of that?

Liu champions personal growth and overcoming fear, emboldening us to find our courage, be vocal about our needs and refute the age-old myth that Indo Caribbean women must struggle to be successful. “Dear Durga A Mom’s Guide to Activate Courage and Emerge Victorious” is now available for purchase.

By Usha Sookai

Usha Sookai is an undergraduate student at New York University, studying Journalism and Social and Cultural Analysis. With a passion … Read more ›

Photo by Simple Line via Shutterstock.com

“Confessions to a Moonless Sky” is a meditation on the new moon and guilt. I wrote it when I was living in Dallas and was driving back from a dusk prayer. The new moon terrified me on that drive. I was diseased by the knowledge that my partner, at the time, had seen the worst parts of me. There’s immense shame in this piece—it seized my self-image. If the moon could become brand new, then I could start over.

I often ponder on the moon’s reflective nature and pairs of eyes. I’m hyper-fixated on how I am seen by others. Unfortunately, the brilliance of seeing your reflection in another person leads to negativity. After all, those who are too keen on their own reflection are the same people who suffer from it. It is possible to use shame to fuel one’s retribution and personal growth, without becoming consumed by it.

We can look to Shah Rukh Khan succumbing to alcoholism in his own sorrow and then later imbibing his sadness in Chandramukhi. “Confessions to a Moonless Sky” is a lesson for us: Don’t be Shah Rukh Khan in Devdas, instead embody pre-incarnation Shah Rukh Khan in Om Shanti Om!

[Read Related: Uncovering the Brown Boy in Hiding Through Poetry]

Confessions to a Moonless Sky

Sometimes when the moon abandons the sky, I wonder if I drove her away.

If she comes back, will she be the same? How I wish she would come back new, truly new! That way she’d have no memory of the sin I’ve confessed to her. You noxious insect. Sin-loving, ego-imbibing pest. You are no monster, for at least a monster has ideology, it sins with purpose. You sin just to chase ignominy.

But the moon won’t say that, she never does. She’ll just leave the sky and return days later, slowly. And I’ll wonder if she’s new, perhaps she won’t remember my past confessions. What does it matter? Were the moon replaced with one from a different god, I’d drive her away, too.

[Read Related: ‘headspun’ — Bengali Muslim Boy’s Poetic Journey Through Himself]

By Umrao Shaan

Umrao Shaan is a short storyist, poet, and ghazals singer. You can find his songs on his Instagram. His other … Read more ›

Photo Courtesy of Varsha Panikar

“After so Long” is a poetry film created for Simha’s EP, which is streaming on Spotify, Apple Music and Amazon Music. The poem was collaboratively written by Simha, a U.S. native, and Jae, who is based in India, during the 2020 lockdown. “After so Long” was recited by Simha and their parents. In 2022, I directed and produced the film through my studio, Star Hopper. “After so Long” premiered on Nowness Asia in March 2022.

By Varsha Panikar

Varsha Panikar (they/he) is a filmmaker, writer and multi-disciplinary artist from India. They are the co-founder of Star Hopper, a … Read more ›