So meta-static is a paradox of meaning meta reflective unchanging changes defective leaving us wondering which treatments will be effective and if the endoscopy will be a better detective than the biopsies’ and scans’ illusory suggestive… But hey meta-static– Our dynamic faith is at it No pain will shatter it Can’t even be mad about this Time to clean the dust in our attic Long over due lack in connecting it Spread the Self’s jam of renewal to it Metastasize your body with pure consciousness Drop your self-importance, Your entitled self-pity moments. Let metastatic meet our higher version, That stronger, capable, dreamer version, Unstoppable optimist, always smiling without reason version. Let metastatic meet the Creator’s subservient version, The vessel through which God’s Light is manifested version The Big Bang expressing itself; accepting of any pain and suffering version.
Let the ego go as the made up persona it is Let the glory flow as the righteous owner of destiny it is Let the cancer know who it is really dealing with How far out can it go before snapping back according to the Creator’s whim… Recognize that God is all that is truly within Alongside what they call the metastatic, the Divine is eternally blooming herein… So let go of the unconscious insanity separating you with sin From the bliss of timeless nothingness From the gift of the Eternal Now emptying the past’s bucket of mistakes and the future’s calendar of unknown dates Breathe in every moment as a brand new, clean slate Always Here and Now, in a dreamy ever-present state The metastatic cancer will soon be left behind in yesterday’s burning crate God is beyond these psychological cycles of time and space To be liberated and enlightened, there is no wait Metastatic is already defeated, the second we join in the Great And feel the silent space within, no cancer could fill this Great Spirit’s place There is no grievance here, only gratitude embracing my heart’s race I have no doubt in God’s plans, I am humbled by God’s grace Despite knowledge of the metastatic, I have found a peaceful, satisfied smile upon my face I have found thankfulness for a glance inward, I have experienced a Divine taste
Nothing can defeat us because even in “death” only the brain actually dies, as our true nature is beyond this fate The Spirit was never born and thus never dies, this is the immortal Truth underneath our lies-laced life veil’s base The big picture here is that metastatic is but a blip on the radar, another representation of simply static suffering Of an ego falsely projected out of perfectly balanced unity and beautiful nothingness… What a wondrous opportunity this is to grow, and experience cosmic humor in joyously real tears, to expand our feeling of faith, to realize oneness to conquer our full of false-self fears, to feel the Divine’s unending embrace of love echoing infinitely deeper in our ears… Dear Metastatic You’re no match for your Creator’s love, power, and magic We are prepared to fight every steaming battle with strong faith and willpower You cannot doubt the Divine will and hour The time to win is now and ours.
Karishma Singh Jani dropped out of high school after the 10th grade and attended Bard College at Simon’s Rock “the Early College” where she graduated with her A.A. Degree. She is currently a 3rd-year medical student at the Medical University of Lublin in Poland. She is a writer and social activist whose purpose in life is to ensure the thriving of the human race through creative self-expression, healing, and medicine. You can reach her by at karishmaSinghJani@gmail.com.
February 1, 2023March 7, 2023 3min readBy Varsha Panikar
Photo Courtesy of Varsha Panikar
“After so Long” is a poetry film created for Simha’s EP, which is streaming on Spotify, Apple Music and Amazon Music. The poem was collaboratively written by Simha, a U.S. native, and Jae, who is based in India, during the 2020 lockdown. “After so Long” was recited by Simha and their parents. In 2022, I directed and produced the film through my studio, Star Hopper. “After so Long” premiered on Nowness Asia in March 2022.
This film is a worldwide collaboration among trans and queer south-Asian artists from the United States, India and Canada. It was recorded, shot and filmed during the lockdown of 2020 and 2021.
Jae:
Awake at 10 am but out of bed at noon,
I want to be here where I lose myself in these sheets
Glancing through half-shut eyes
At the gold pressing past my window
The glimmer remarks on the ledge of my bed
But the voices are so loud
Like dust collecting in the corner of my room
I am unaware to why I’m still here
With the chilling doubt of the breeze…
I’m swept into lucidity After so long
Dad:
Mil rahi hoon mein aaj iske saang barso baad,
(Today, I’ll be meeting them after so long)
Koi paata nahi diya tune
(But with no destination sight,)
Kya karu?
(What should I do?)
Kaha jau?
(Where should I go?)
Shayad agar mein chalne lagoon,
(Perhaps, if I keep walking)
Inn yaadon ki safar mein
(Down this road of memories)
Mujhe samajh mein ayega,
(I will find out)
Yeh rasta kahaan jayega,
(Where this road leads)
Inn aari tedhi pakadandiyon pe baarte hi jaana hai,
(Through the twists and turns of this winding roads, I must keep going on)
Mujhe mil na hain aaj uske saath,
(I wish to meet them today)
Barso baad.
(After so long)
Simha:
I feel like I’m retracing my footsteps
From these concrete stretches
To broken cement walls
Chips and cracks forge their way for new designs
I see the old abandoned buildings
That once held the warmth of bodies
Now just hold memories
Supporting the nature’s resilience
In vines and moss
After so long
Mom:
Dhoondli shishe mein jaaga leli hai
(These isty mirrors have offered refuge)
Bikhri hui laatao ne,
(To these scattered vines)
Zameen pe uchi ghaas pe
(Amidst the tall grass stretching from the ground)
Lehrati kamsan kaliyaa
(The swaying little buds)
Bheeni bheeni khushboo bikhereti
(Spreading honeysuckle scent through the air)
Phir wahi mausam,
(I lose myself in reminiscing, the same season)
Wahi dil,
(The same heart)
Baarso baad.
(After so long)
Phir bhi mein chal rahi hoon aaj
(Still, I keep carrying on today)
Khudko khudse milane ke liye
(In the pursuit of my higher self)
Inn galiyo se guzarna hain aaj
(I must pass through these streets today)
Chaalte chaale jaana hai aaj
(I must keep going on today)
Kabhi hum milenge kisi mor paar
(Someday, we’ll meet again, somewhere on this road)
barso baad
(After so long)
Kabhi hum milenge kisi mor pe
(Someday, we’ll meet again, somewhere on this road)
barso baad
(After so long)
The opinions expressed by the guest writer/blogger and those providing comments are theirs alone and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of Brown Girl Magazine, Inc., or any employee thereof. Brown Girl Magazine is not responsible for the accuracy of any of the information supplied by the guest writer/bloggers. This work is the opinion of the blogger. It is not the intention of Brown Girl Magazine to malign any religion, ethnic group, club, organization, company, or individual. If you’d like to submit a guest post, please follow the guidelines we’ve set forth here.
“Confessions to a Moonless Sky” is a meditation on the new moon and guilt. I wrote it when I was living in Dallas and was driving back from a dusk prayer. The new moon terrified me on that drive. I was diseased by the knowledge that my partner, at the time, had seen the worst parts of me. There’s immense shame in this piece—it seized my self-image. If the moon could become brand new, then I could start over.
I often ponder on the moon’s reflective nature and pairs of eyes. I’m hyper-fixated on how I am seen by others. Unfortunately, the brilliance of seeing your reflection in another person leads to negativity. After all, those who are too keen on their own reflection are the same people who suffer from it. It is possible to use shame to fuel one’s retribution and personal growth, without becoming consumed by it.
We can look to Shah Rukh Khan succumbing to alcoholism in his own sorrow and then later imbibing his sadness in Chandramukhi. “Confessions to a Moonless Sky” is a lesson for us: Don’t be Shah Rukh Khan in Devdas, instead embody pre-incarnation Shah Rukh Khan in Om Shanti Om!
Sometimes when the moon abandons the sky, I wonder if I drove her away.
If she comes back, will she be the same? How I wish she would come back new, truly new! That way she’d have no memory of the sin I’ve confessed to her. You noxious insect. Sin-loving, ego-imbibing pest. You are no monster, for at least a monster has ideology, it sins with purpose. You sin just to chase ignominy.
But the moon won’t say that, she never does. She’ll just leave the sky and return days later, slowly. And I’ll wonder if she’s new, perhaps she won’t remember my past confessions. What does it matter? Were the moon replaced with one from a different god, I’d drive her away, too.
NAKED: The Honest Musings of 2 Brown Women was born in the autumn of 2018, when Mimi Mutesa and Selvi M. Bunce began sharing their poetry collections. It was scary, beautiful, and terrifying when they decided to trust each other with their most intimate thoughts. Not only did they feel relieved after doing so, but Selvi and Mimi also felt more seen as women of color. They embarked on their publication journey, so others may feel as seen as they did on that fateful autumn.
“Ingrown Hair” deals with the themes of societal and family pressures that are reflected throughout NAKED. Mimi and Selvi have always written for themselves. They see poetry as an outlet, and their poems exemplify their personal frustration and vulnerability. “Ingrown Hair” speaks to Selvi’s experience with the societal pressures of South Asian women, such as getting married, being a good wife, becoming a good mother, and leading a certain kind of life.
There is something strange beneath my skin
telling me to build a house,
make a home,
mother children.
I am not sure how to reconcile it.
My mother was strong
and a mother after all.
My philosophy has been to spend my time
on myself and the world.
I have always thought
I could simply address the thing under my skin
when it finally crawled out.
But when my family starts guessing
who will get married first, and my father
has been saving wedding money for years,
I begin to wonder
if I will have to pluck it out.
The opinions expressed by the guest writer/blogger and those providing comments are theirs alone and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of Brown Girl Magazine, Inc., or any employee thereof. Brown Girl Magazine is not responsible for the accuracy of any of the information supplied by the guest writer/bloggers. This work is the opinion of the blogger. It is not the intention of Brown Girl Magazine to malign any religion, ethnic group, club, organization, company, or individual. If you’d like to submit a guest post, please follow the guidelines we’ve set forth here.
Karishma Singh Jani dropped out of high school after the 10th grade and attended Bard College at Simon’s Rock “the Early College” where she graduated with her A.A. Degree. She is currently a 3rd-year medical student at the Medical University of Lublin in Poland. She is a writer and social activist whose purpose in life is to ensure the thriving of the human race through creative self-expression, healing, and medicine. You can reach her by at karishmaSinghJani@gmail.com.
